YAY! for non-productive days..SUMMER!!

Today..although lacking in festive events, has been a good day. I have spent most of it laying on my bed, watching tv, and talking to Ashley, and occasionaly Mikel. It sounds really boring, but it was actually relieveing.
Having the MARY KATE AND ASHLEY marathon on ABC-FAMILY today (there was NOTHING ELSE ON, I LOOKED)gave me something to do, and something to help me keep my mind off of something else...errr. DAME THAT OTHER SUBJECT.
My room is a MESS. I really didn't think that it was possible for a teenagers room to be THIS BAD. EMMA... you can come clean MY room if you want! Seriously, you wouldn't know the color of my carpet, unless you looked to my closet. My bathroom is getting bad, too. My counter is COVERED in spilled make-up, hair clips, and bobby pins (from getting ready for Grad). My shower is kinda yucky, too.
But even though I know that my room needs some cleaning, I'm leaving it like this. IT'S SUMMER! This is the FIRST summer in the past 3 that I havn't had a job. So I figure about next Tuesday I will be bored enough to clean my room. Until then, I will only GUESS what is under the HUGE MOUND of clothes that is resting infront of my window.
GUESS WHAT? Harry Potter 3 (I'm reffering to it as "3" beause i don't want to type out the full name) comes out FRIDAY! On Friday (of last week) I looked up the show times for HP3 at our local theatre. At 1:30, on June 4, 2004, I will be sitting in the local REGAL CENIMA getting ready to watch the FAB HP3!!!! I simply CANNOT WAIT! (well.. I could wait for Thursday when I have to vist the 'ole DENTIST..I like Mr. Sumner but NOT when he's fishing around my mouth for CAVITYS)
Yet ANOTHER great thing is that this morning, after being woken up by Zack Lineback in my living room, laughing 'til he was blue in the face (NO JOKE), I had set my alarm clock to MAKE SURE that I didn't miss DANIEL RADCLIFFE on LIVE! I set my alarm clock for 8:30, thinking that I could make myself breakfast, and take a shower before it came on, but it didn't happen. I snoozed 'til 9:54. BUT That gave me 6 minutes to get comfy to watch LIVE!
YES! Daniel said that they are making a HP4 and a HP5!!! OMGsh it's gonna be WONDERFUL! I'll be in college talking about how PUMPED I am that the new HARRY POTTER movie is coming out. OH COME ON, don't look at me like that.. HARRY POTTER RULES **says it like VACAVILLE!!!!**
So..yeah..I'm kinda out of stuff to say.
OHH YEAH! One more thing, I learned how to make my own BLOG template! It's hard though, and I'm kinda stupid, so I have to keep looking up the codes for colors and stuff. But let me tell ya, It's gonna be a GREAT template..just as long as I finish it this CENTURY!
Oooo and ONE other thing. Last night I downloaded THE PERFECT SCORE. I watched it this morning, after LIVE! It was good! Ahhh the amazing power of DSL cable internet (or whatever you call it..)
So that's all... 'til next post...**wink wink**
not spell checkin' this one..

Cool little quiz ... I was BORED!

You are Caramel!! You are known for your
sweetness. You are comfortable with yourself,
and help others feel the same way about
themselves. You are generally friendly to
everyone, and believe in second chances.


Which kind of candy are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

ME! 

Feelings are expressed best with song..

"Hands Down"

Breathe in for luck,
breathe in so deep,
this air is blessed,
you share with me.
This night is wild,
so calm and dull,
these hearts they race,
from self control.
Your legs are smooth,
as they graze mine,
we're doing fine,
we're doing nothing at all.

My hopes are so high,
that your kiss might kill me.
So won't you kill me,
so I die happy.
My heart is yours to fill or burst,
to break or bury,
or wear as jewelery,
which ever you prefer.

The words are hushed lets not get busted;
just lay entwined here, undiscovered.
Safe in here from all the stupid questions.
"hey did you get some?"
Man, that is so dumb.
Stay quiet, stay near, stay close they can't hear...
so we can get some.

My hopes are so high that your kiss might kill me.
So won't you kill me, so I die happy.
My heart is yours to fill or burst,
to break or bury, or wear as jewelery,
which ever you prefer.

Hands down this is the best day I can ever remember,
I'll always remember the sound of the stereo,
the dim of the soft lights,
the scent of your hair that you twirled in your fingers
and the time on the clock when we realized it's so late
and this walk that we shared together.
The streets were wet
and the gate was locked so I jumped it,
and I let you in.
And you stood at your door with your hands on my waist
and you kissed me like you meant it.
And I knew that you meant it,that you meant it,
that you meant it,
and I knew,
that you meant it,
that you meant it

"I wann be with you" - Mandy Moore

I try but I can't seem to get myself
To think of anything but you
Your breath on my face
Your warm gentle kiss, I taste the truth
I taste the truth

We know what I came here for
So I won`t ask for more

I wanna be with you
If only for a night
To be the one whose in your arms
Who holds you tight
I wanna be with you
There's nothing more to say
There's nothing else I want more than to feel this way
I wanna be with you

So I`ll hold you tonight
Like I would if you were mine
To hold forever more
And I`ll saver each touch that I wanted
So much to feel before (To feel before)
How beautiful it is
Just to be like this

I wanna be with you
If only for a night
To be the one whose in your arms
Who holds you tight
I wanna be with you
There's nothing more to say
There's nothing else I want more than to feel this way
I wanna be with you

Oh baby
I can`t fight this feeling anymore
It drives me crazy when I try to
So call my name
Take my hand
Can you make my wish
Baby, your command?

Yeah
I wanna be with you
There's nothing more to say
There's nothing else I want more than to feel this way
(I wanna be) I wanna be with you (I wanna be with you)
I wanna be with you
Wanna be with you (Yeah)
(I wanna be with you) I wanna be
I wanna be with you
(I wanna be)
(I wanna be)
(I wanna be with you) Yeah
(I wanna be with you)
I wanna be, I wanna be baby
I wanna be
(I wanna be with you)
I wanna be with you, yeah
I wanna be with you
I wanna be with you

Peace and quiet...

She was sitting there, on the couch, resting. After a LONG and eventful day, she needed rest. She had popped her popcorn and settled down on the couch, infront of the TV. Snuggled up with her blanket, popcorn in her lap, and SNL on the TV screen.
After a while of SNL, she was getting tired, but still, stayed awake. She layed down on the sofa, and had been sitting there a while when she heard her front door open. She could have easily leaned forward and seen the person who walked in though the door, but assumed it was her brother or someone else for the party downstairs, and they knew their way.
She didn't even hear him. She just felt something move the couch. She sat up and saw it was him. On his graduation night, he was here. "Why aren't you at a graduation party, or hanging out with your friends or something," she asked, "You don't have to be here." "I'm right where I want to be" he said, and sat back on the couch. He leaned her over and the two rested on eachother. The occasional laugh at the TV, but other than that...Peace. Just what the two needed. Peace.

I went to graduation at Mount Airy High School tonight. I didn't do ANYTHING all day, which was WONDERFUL. I got ready, the way I like to, really slow, taking breaks, flipping channels. I got ready and wasn't rushed at all. I went to Paula's house to pick her up, then we were off to graduation. We got there and didn't have tickets, but REBEKAH did!!! So we were in. We found Sara and Emma and chatted, then we went to find a seat.
Grad wasn't too bad except for Paula complaning about how she DIDN'T have a boyfriend... And me and Sara secretly giving one another secret looks behind her while she was talking (holding a gun to our head or slashing our throught).
I got ALL gussied up for nothing. Ash ... I TRIED to talk to him, BUT after everyone was outside, it was almost impossible to find anyone, and I couldn't see him. So I gave up and talked to Sara and Paula and Kat and Emma and we had made plans but I had to go eat and afterwards, I was TIRED and I just went to see Shrek 2.
GOOD movie! Almost as good as the first one. Shrek, it seems to me, is a parody of all these other films. Mission Impossible, Matrix, Beauty and the Beast (and almost everyother popular Disney fairytale) and countless others. SOOO funny! But I had to keep explaining stuff to Carrie...errrrrrr. But other than that... good movie! At the end, when they were showing the cast of characters, this guy that had been sitting beside of us (and annoying the SHIT out of everyone in the room) stood up and said "Hey, Y'all ... If you'll sit down and wait a minute, you'll see what happens to the Donkey and the Dragon". Well who could resist ... All I have to say is ... Poor poodle ... And when Dragons and donkeys mate ..They look like furby's with wings!
But while in the theatre there was a couple infront of us, and one directly behind us. The whole time they were leaning on eachothers shoulders or something like that ...Just seeing their silhouettes depressed me ... DAMN I'M PATHETIC.

COMIC RELIEF: EMMA & ASH

I'm SOOO happy!!! I'm not EXACTLY sure why, but I think that it is a combo of three things.
A)Today was my LAST day as a Junior at MAHS!!
B)I gave Ash Jeremy's graduation present, and he liked it!!!YAY! C) I caught up on some reading .. EMMA'S BLOG!!!!
I love Emma, she's SOOOO funny and random, and just ALL AROUND AWESOME! It is always refreshing to read Emma's blog, because even if she is having the WORST DAY EVER, she can make the chaos of her day funny. I ALSO LOVED Emma's outfit today! She was wearing this dress, that was made from all different patters, it suited her well. It REALLY looked good with her hair and pearls ... Emma CHECK ++ on your ensemble today!
Now, to my main douche ... Ash!
Today it was SOOO great, because I was in a happy mood for most of the day. I didn't do ANYTHING in any of my classes.
In Spanish, there were only 10 people in there, so we watched 10 Things I hate About YOU, and talked to Pani. English we had a party and literally ate for an hour and a half. Lunch .. uhhhh It wasn't TOO bad because Bobby and Tyler switched places with Paula and Sara. A nice little change. I had Bobby to goof off with and Tyler to talk to!!! I like that seating situation real well .. I wish that we had experimented in different seating arrangements earlier in the year, instead of the LAST DAY OF SCHOOL, it REALLY would have saved me some headaches! In Earth Science we watched a movie ... Journalism I sat at the back table with Tillman, Taylor, Erin, Anne (Lamm .. not SNEEKY SNEAKY), Caitlyn, and Meredith (MERM!!!!). We literally laughed the ENTIRE TIME!!! It was the BEST class EVER!!!
After school I was relieved to get home, and when I got here Amber was here. I was happy because I haven't gotten to talk to Amber in a while (BTW: Amber is my brother's girlfriend). So after we vented a little while, I came to my room to sign on to my Yahoo! And see if anyone was on.
LOW AND BEHOLD, I had an offline from Jeremy. I was happy to read that he enjoyed his graduation gift from me (the William Hung CD .. Thanks Ash!!) but my yahoo messenger is CRAZY and I hadn't even finished reading the message yet, when my yahoo kicked off. DAMMIT. I was mad because I couldn't read the last of the message, and he had added me to his list and I didn't have sense enough to click the "accept and add" button.
But it was all good when Mikel and I started talking. Ahh ... good times in grade school! THEN when Ash got on, I was PUMPED just because Ash has that effect on me .... LOL
Ahhh just wanted to have a nice, funny blog today ...
AND BREAKING NEWS... SINCE THIS WAS MY LAST DAY OF SCHOOL .. I NOW CONSIDER MYSELF A SENIOR!!!

SUMMER.......

They were walking down the street, after getting ice cream. On Main Street, it seemed okay for them to walk, hands locked and happy. After what had seemed like forever for the both of them, they finally felt that it was okay for them to be seen together. Not like they were once in horrible breakups, but only the fact that they had waited for so long for something to happen, they wanted to cherish it for as long as possible.
Walking down the sidewalk of Main Street, the two seemed happy. His arm around her shoulder, she felt safe for the first time in her life, she was safe. In his embrace, she was safe from any criticiums of the world, she was safe from any hurtful things that could happen to her.
As the two approached the corner, she turned to the right to see if they could pass, and when she turned back around to look left, she felt his arm move. They were now standing facing one another, and she took a quick lick of her ice cream cone. She felt the icy vanilla on her lip, and he said, "You have some, just there." Without skipping a beat, his face approached her lip, and kissed away the ice cream. Not only kissing away the ice cream, but kissing away any fears that she could have had. They continued walking down the street. Hand-in-hand...Happy.

OHHH How excited I am! I found out that I don't have to take any of my exams! I am on cloud NINE! Tomorrow, at 3:08, my summer officially begins!!!! And then I think I am entitled to officially call myself a SENIOR at Mount Airy High School!!!! Except for graduation Friday night, and changing my schedule in June, I won't have to see that school for two months!!!!
YAY!!! All of the DRAMA of the past 10 months will be dismissed for the careless, lazy days of summer... HOW EXCITING!!! Although I know that in about two weeks I will be bored out of my mind, I can enjoy the next two weeks without deadlines for papers or articles, without bells ringing, and I will have the ability to use the restroom any time I please, without getting a tardy.

Faith ... And all that follows....

I would love for this to be painful. Like we both saw this coming. Our long love affair. But the truth is, you never knew I existed. You never knew me the way I wanted you to. You never knew me as anything but a simple companion.
Oh how I wish that you would have, more than you know. I wanted to tell you, but I couldn't. It simply wasn't in the cards...Or was it?

I wonder if your life is planned out when you are born, or if you are supposed to make it yourself.
When we are born, does the world know what to do with us? Does someone out there know that you are going to be a banker, and get married, and have children? Or are you supposed to make your own life? Should someone be worried about their future, or should we all just chill and let things happen to us? Let things come to us? Are we all supposed to search for things in our life? Or shall we just kick back and welcome whatever comes?
Some people never have the ability to do exactly what they want. For some people,I think their life is planned out by the wrong people...Or is it exactly how it is supposed to be? Should I consider myself lucky? Or cursed....

Ashley ... Is this faith?

And she had finally done it. She had talked to him. After a year with this day in mind, she wasn't sure if it was exactly what she had pictured. She had talked to him, given him a small gift, and when she thought it was appropriate to leave, excused herself from the awkward conversation, and walked away.
She walked away slowly, but didn't turn around. She thought to herself .. "It is all that I can do" and just walked.
Once she got though the crowed, she escaped the madness of the upper level, and made her way down the hill to where her car was parked. She was so close. She was ready to reach for the handle. She heard something. Something not of the usual "Congratulations" and "I love you's" and "Party tonight's" of the occasion. She heard her name being called out, but never as it ever had been before. This wasn't the way her mother called her name to clean her room. This wasn't the way a friend yelled her name down the halls of school. This was her name being called out the way she had always wanted. This was the one she had liked calling to her.
She turned around, and moved the hair from her eyes, and saw him, running to her. Graduation gown out, tie loosened, and hat in hand. She saw him and thought "There's no way".
Surrounded by a million empty cars, she approached him as he was running toward her. When they met, it wasn't the normal weird feeling between the two, the normal stance. They hugged. They hugged and swung around and kissed.

Ash .. Unlike the others, this wasn't a dream. Simply a figment of my imagination. You were right, I did need to hear that last night, and I thank you for telling me. Monday, I guess we'll see if I can really do it ... Thanks for ALWAYS knowing exactly what to say ..

Realizations ....

I hadn't realized until today how much I am going to miss him. Not that anything has, or ever will happen between the two of us, it's still sad to think that he's not going to be here anymore.
I'm going to miss turning around every three seconds at breakfast to "check the time" and seeing him. I'm going miss him being absent and walking up to get a pink slip. I'm going to miss seeing him leaning up against the wall in front of Mrs. Goldwasser's room when she's running late for AP English. I'm going to miss walking right beside him on his way to the bathroom, and on my way to my locker. I'm going to miss seeing him for two seconds after first period. I'm going to miss seeing him around town... IF he ever leaves the house..
I'm going to miss getting those little buterflies in my tummy everytime I see him ..
I think it's odd that I feel this way .. but at the same time, I like it.
ASHELY... WHAT WOULD I DO WITHOUT YOU?
Also today I realized that in 3 1/2 more SCHOOL DAYS .. I could actually be a SENIOR!!!!
Guess you can tell I had some time on my hands today ..

I hate the way you talk to me
and the way you cut your hair
I hate the way you drive my car
I hate the way you stare
I hate you big dumb combat boots
and the way you read my mind
I hate you so much It makes me sick,
It even makes me rhyme
I hate it... I hate the way your always right
I hate it when you lie
I hate it when you make me laugh,
even worse when you make me cry
I hate it when your not around
and the fact that you didn't call
But mostly I hate the way I don't hate you
Not even close,
not even a little bit,
not even at all.
- Julia Stiles "Kat Stradford", 10 Things I hate about YOU

ERRR I HATE SCHOOL...

Spanish ... PANI IS LEAVING ME... She told us today that she wasn't going to come back to MAHS next year ... Mac and I were like WHAT? NOOOOOOO!!! So now i'm not taking Spanish 3 because I'd TOTALLY FAIL if I had Stoner...But one good thing DID happen in first period... we turned in our Spanish Books!!!! YAY!!! One down, one to go!!!
English, we ACTUALLY convinced Mrs. Carson to let us go see a play.. the SAME play we saw yesterday!!! YAY!! So that's all we did..
Lunch ... my friends were being immature, so I went to join up with Ash and the gals at the NICE TABLE.
Third period .. lets just say that we watched the rest of the Lion King... and friggin' SIMBA get's more action than I do .. and it's a fuckin' fictional charater... DAME THE MANE!!!
Fourth ... well I didn't get yelled at ... and got to go to the art room and see Ash's cool art... DAMN I wish I was as talented as her... ASH ... YOU ROCK MY WORLD...
After school I was supposed to take a friend home. Well my "friend" came down and told me that she was going to go home with my other "friend" because it took me too long to get out of the parking lot. I was like "Thanks for fuckin' blowin' me the fuck off..." and the whole reason she had to get home quick was because she was gonna go fuck her boyfriend... I'm sorry, BUT I DIDN"T NEED TO KNOW THAT this morning .. and so when she said that, I turned around and said "Well.. just keep in mind that I charge $5 an hour..." and walked off.. THEN when I got out of the parking lot, they were a whole 5 cars ahead of me, and that's because my "friend" drives like a bat out of hell and cut someone off. But really, it's OK, I didn't need to be there before she was getting ready to fuck someone .... ERRRRRR
So I'm gonna go now, and wait for Ash to get back on, and watch the rest of my movie ...
not spell checkin' this one ..

Picture Perfect ...

How picture perfect are we, that we never see, never see the entire picture, full of glee, only the picture which we want to see...

We were just sitting there, watching some weird movie he wanted to see .. of COURSE I fell asleep... But when the feature was over, he was simply glad I had stayed, even if I did fall asleep. He nudged me to wake me, but I could not move, his shoulder was the perfect pillow, firm but inviting..
When he couldn't wake me again, he just kissed my lips. I woke up looking into his eyes, deepest, darkest brown.. they draw you in.
A few more times, we shared a few more intimate moments, then, glancing at my watch, noticed my pumpkin was going to turn, I got up from the wonderful night, and back to my normal world... Will I ever return again? It is not for me to judge. Is it for him to tell? I'm not sure... But I know one day, my day will come. Until then, I shall see him again ... but Only in My Dreams

Crash Into Me
You've got your ball,
You've got your chain
Tied to me tight, tie me up again.
Who's got their claws
In you my friend?
Into your heart I'll beat again
Sweet like candy to my soul
Sweet you rock,
And sweet you roll
Lost for you, I'm so lost for you

Oh, and you come crash into me
And I come into you
And I come into you
In a boy's dream
In a boy's dream

Touch your lips just so I know
In your eyes, love, it glows soI'm bare-boned and crazy... for you.

Oh, and you come crash into me
Baby, and I come into you
In a boy's dream
In a boy's dream

And if I've gone overboard
Then I'm begging you
To forgive me
In my haste
When I'm holding you so girl,
Close to me

Oh and you come crash into me, yeah
Baby, and I come into you
Hike up your skirt a little more
And show the world to me
Hike up your skirt a little more
And show your world to me
In a boy's dream
In a boy's dream

Oh, I watch you there
Through the window
And I stare at you
You wear nothing, but you
Wear it so well
Tied up and twisted,
The way I'd like to be
For you, for me, come crash into me
Come crash into me, yeah

Crash into me...
Crash into me...

You know, I'm the king of the castle,
You're the dirty rascal, crash into me.
Please crash into me, baby...

Oh, no no no...
Yes, I see the waves
Come and crash into me.
See the waves come and crash into me.
Crash into me.

NO ME GUSTA LA ESQUELA

ERR.... School
Spanish .. not too bad, English watched another play, Lunch weird...
THIRD PERIOD>>>>>>>>>>
OMGsh ... ASHLEY GRACE GILREATH is now my CONFIRMED HERO!!! (DESPITE the alarming new little TID BIT I learned of her having a "regular" Catholic name.... :()
HAHAHAHAAHAHHAHAIn third I can't even BEGIN to type all of the FUNNY SHIT we were talking about.
FIRST I typed up Ashley's yearbook thing from me so that in 20 years when she goes back to read it she can ACTUALLY READ IT, and because It was too long for me to write.
Welp, I gave it to her this morning, and I wanted to add some stuff (it was like 4 pages long when I was done), so I had it on my desk and we were doing worksheets.
MR. DOUCHE was standing beside me reading it... I think I saw his face when It got to the VERY enlarged BOLD FACE "And while we're on the subject of 'FUCK'".... HAHAHA. If he JUST would have read 5 lines more, He would have seen the part with me making fun of him "MR. SHUT THE FUCK UP YOUR WRONG" HAHAHHAHAH
But we just sat there and Watched the LION KING or (REY LION SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOFUNNY
I WAS LMAO'N THE WHOLE TIME .. Infact ... ASH my IMAGINARY ABS are STILL KILLIN'
After Third, I went to fourth .... *tear*
Since I'm Ad manager, I was going though all of the ads in the papers from this year, and making sure that we were billing people for the right ammounts....
OMGsh, I DIDN'T MEAN TO let my paper slip off the column, and I checked the wrong paper... and I told Mrs. Carson "I'm REALLY sorry, my paper slipped, but It's OK I can fix it tomorrow with White-out and It'll all be good and I PROMISE I will fix it tomorrow.
SHE WENT OFF. She was like "WHAT WERE YOU THINKING? WHY DID YOU DO THIS? HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LET YOU BE AD MANAGER NEXT YEAR FOR TWO SEMESTERS IF YOU SCREW THIS UP? WHY SHOULD I LET YOU BE AD MANAGER NEXT YEAR?" And I just kinda stood there and took it.
I told Ash after school and she was "like WTF^^? Mrs. Carson YELLED? I don't think I've ever heard that woman over a WHISPER" and I was like ... I HAVE... and then she cheered me up ....
LOVE YOU ASH!
But anyway, Ash had to go to her soccer banquet thing, so I went to sleep 'til she came home... had a good dream ... at least I THINK it was a dream .. but it's weird 'cause it COULDN'T BE REALITY.
hummmmmmmm *harmony*
Now I'm going to TRY to stay up to see if Ash is gonna sneak back down to the pooter ... if not... NIGHT ASH... LOVE YOU BUNCHES.....
Don't let Mik... I mean the BED BUGS bite babe!!!!
not spell checkin' this one ...

"Pretty girls like curly curls ... But I like Oreos"

My grandmother used to sing that little song to me ... After today (and the other night) I NEVER want to think of that again!! LOL
So ... A Monday ...
It wasn't all that bad. I was kinda excited/nervous having to debut my new hair do .. But It's all good, a lot of people said it looked good..That was nice..
Spanish, Margarita (Maggie) and Cecilia (Holly) were our "teachers" today because they got extra credit and all we did was took notes and did 26 questions, It was easy! Then we just had free time, and Pani told me I didn't have to take the exam! SCORE ONE MORE FOR ME... I was SOOO pumped after that... It's not even funny!
In English, we actually convinced Mrs. Carson that after we took our reading checks that we needed "to go support our fellow students in a play." She actually let us! SCORE. So we did our reading check and headed to the auditorium to watch the play. Not too bad, it was better than English, but Julia Lynch (refer to Ash's blog .. We share the same feelings). OMGsh she can't even get a part in a SKIT that's not ANNOYING AS FUCK. I mean OMGsh ... Carrie and I were sitting there and going .. GET HER OFF STAGE!!!! NOW!!! Besides JULIA it was funny .. Chris Cockeran kept forgetting his lines .. FUNNY!
Lunch.. today it wasn't too tense at lunch, but I still felt a little around the table..I miss Bobby turning around and making jokes. WHY DID SARA HAVE TO PICK him. I can't help it ... I like Bobby, I wish that she had "picked" him, but NOOO she picks the rat bastard..dammit.
Third period .... OMGsh ....
We did three worksheets, then we settled in to watch the rest of Deep Impact ... Elijah Wood falling off a motorcycle.. "OMGsh it would have been FUCKING FUNNY if they would have dropped the baby!!!!" HAHAHA .. Ash and I really do bring out the humor in things!!! It was SOOOOO funny .. We discussed Oreos more... HAHAHAHAHAAHAHHAAHHAHAHAHAAHAHHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAAHHAAHAHAHAHAA
And I'm not really sure what all we talked about after that ... Tea Leoni's movie dad dropping her on her head ... FUCKING FUNNNY! Ash had that one out of the GATE! HAHA
So after LAUGHING MY ASS OFF, I went to journalism.
Err... Ad time... ER... but it was good because even though I didn't leave to sell ads, I stayed to put ads together, and OMGsh FUNNY! Mrs. Carson and Holden kinda got into it over Holden being a douche bag!!! FUNNY! "Well, I'm not exactly sure if I modified the original mail letter, or if I might have modified the newest letter" Holden. Mrs. Carson "Well Holden, wouldn't it be better if you just make a new one? Because if your not sure, I don't want to send them out". "Well I guess that would work, I mean, either one is a good letter" Holden.
OMGsh ... "I don't mean to toot my own horn, but TOOT TOOT!" ERRR not likin' the Holden...He can be so FRIGGIN' snooty sometimes! And ERRRR our OTHER editor..Jonathan Matthews.. ERRRRRR. FIRST your CO-editor.. So just CHILL you don't have to "carry this entire paper, if just ONE of you slacks off"... shut the fuck up .. I'd like to see you do anything but TRY to fix computers.
Two people I'm NOT gonna miss come August in the class!
ERRR so I guess I'm just gettin' tired of school.. And I'm PUMPED because It looks like now I only have to take one exam, Journalism.. YAY!!!

SHOUT OUT!
Ash...Ashley Grace, OMGsh... I love you SOOO much ... Your SOOO fuckin' funny ... Thanks for ALWAYS being there when I need to talk, or vent... Or need a dream analyst .. Love you girl ... And this summer..We're TOTALLY having a movie marathon at YOUR HOUSE!!! Love you BUNCHES!!!

And a good song .. I'm in a "Mayer" mood .. So here ya go.. Ash kinda picked it ..

"Daughters"

I know a girl
She puts the color inside of my world
But she's just like a maze
Where all of the walls all continually change
And I've done all I can
To stand on her steps with my heart in my hands
Now I'm starting to see
Maybe it's got nothing to do with me

Fathers, be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers, be good to your daughters too

Oh, you see that skin?
It's the same she's been standing in
Since the day she saw him walking away
Now she's left
Cleaning up the mess he made

So fathers, be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers, be good to your daughters too

Boys, you can break
You'll find out how much they can take
Boys will be strong
And boys soldier on
But boys would be gone without the warmth from
A womans good, good heart

On behalf of every man
Looking out for every girl
You are the god and the weight of her world

So fathers, be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers, be good to your daughters too

It's a BEAUTIFUL day in the neighborhood ...

Ah ... I just woke up from the nicest dream. I won't elaborate but Ash is proud of me!
Ahh... The first real peaceful sleep I've had in a week. One of the reasons may have been the dream and the other could have been that I went walking today with Sadie.
It was soooooo nice because she doesn't hate Paula or Me for our letter to her, and she kinda picked the guy I didn't want her to, but it's all good we're talking and we still love each other!
So maybe it was just Sara and I are speaking now ..(but I'd like the think that the dream had a little something to do with my good mood...).
OK I just wanted to Blog that ... And I have to say CONGRATULATIONS ASHLEY!!! YOU ROCK MY SOCKS OFF!!
Now I'm gonna go talk to people ... Ash ... your not the whore!

Ahhh...

And it was just so sweet ... and so .... perfect.We were just sitting there going over papers and I reached to grab my pen, over his arm, our faces brushed against one another, and it just happend.
It was like when you blow a bubble with your chewing gum. That moment, right before the bubble bursts. It was like...A dream!
And of course, IT WAS!
HAHA Gotcha didn't I? NO, I know I didn't have y'all for a second.
Ohh... I just wanted to blog, cause I'm kinda bored.
LAST NIGHT. I was talking to Ash .. OMGsh ... I HAVE NEVER LAUGHED THAT HARD IN MY LIFE!!!!
ASH .. a montage if you please ...
**RETARD LINE, MASKING TAPE CONDOMS, OREOS & KLONDIKE BARS, APPLE'S AND PUSS, PEE PEE HAS A WHOLE NEW MEANING, MAYBE I SHOULD GO TO ASH'S HOUSE MORE OFTEN ... YOU KNOW ... TO "HANG OUT", I HAVE PLANTED MY SEED .. PLANET EARTH IS GOIN' DOWN!**

Ohh Ash ... unlike you .. Emma has a GOOD influence on me....
The Emma-inspired song of the day..

"In Love With The 80's (Pink Tux To The Prom)" - Relient K

so it was Jeremy in 1983
in his ocean pacific t
who got a bloody knee
on his skateboard
in the half pipe
in the backyard
that tuesday night

and i'm only gonna pierce my left ear
and i've been working on this mustache all summer long
and my favorite band will always be tears for fears
and i'm gonna wear a pink tux to the prom

cutting class through the first floor window
he's driving fast cause he never did a thing slow
and i look up to my big bro
cause in the 80's all the ladies grabbed his hand and couldn't let go

and i'm only gonna pierce my left ear
and i've been working on this mustache all summer long
and my favorite band will always be tears for fears
and i'm gonna wear a pink tux to the prom (a pink tux to the prom)

doo doo, a doo doo doo
pink tux to the prom
doo doo, a doo doo doo
pink tux to the prom

i am gonna wear a pink tux to the prom
live without a care...what could possibly go wrong?

when you're president of the breakfast club
and you're not hesitant to fall in love (to fall in love)
to throw it away to fall in love with the 80's

i am gonna wear a pink tux to the prom
live without a care...what could possibly go wrong?
i am gonna wear a pink tux to the prom
live without a care...
cause you threw it away to fall in love with the 80's

doo doo, a doo doo
doo doo, a doo doo
doo doo, a doo doo

"She Will Be Loved"

Beauty queen of only eighteen
She had some trouble with herself
He was always there to help her
She always belonged to someone else

I drove for miles and miles
And wound up at your door
I've had you so many times but somehow
I want more

I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved
She will be loved

Tap on my window knock on my door
I want to make you feel beautiful
I know I tend to get so insecure
It doesn't matter anymore

It's not always rainbows and butterflies
It's compromise that moves us along
My heart is full and my door's always open
You can come anytime you want

I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved
She will be loved

I know where you hide
Alone in your car
Know all of the things that make you who you are
I know that goodbye means nothing at all
Comes back and begs me to catch her every time she falls

Tap on my window knock on my door
I want to make you feel beautiful

I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved
And she will be loved
And she will be loved
And she will be loved

[in the backround]
Please don't try so hard to say goodbye
Please don't try so hard to say goodbye

Yeah
[softly]
I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain

Try so hard to say goodbye

Ahh .... Love that song!!! ANYWAY.....

I know it's been a few days ... I just havn't really wanted to Post ... like it REALLY matters...
SO what has happend in the last few days? Nothing really ... Thursday night I had a HUGE fight with the fucking asshole ... and I gave Ash a letter .... SHE WASN'T MAD! But Friday Paula and I gave Sara the letter expressing our concern for her most recent actions ... I havn't heard from that one yet ... But I wish I would...
Let's see .... I'm gonna start from Friday ..
Spanish was easy since we didn't have class. "Prison Prevention" ... the only funny thing about it was when Andrew Ballard and Mac had to pick eachother up off a chair ...
English .. BORING
Lunch - Akward
THIRD PERIOD.. First, Ash wasn't mad at me for the letter.. SCORE!!!! Second, we went over stupid worksheets and started Deep Impact. I've seen it before, and I didn't care If I saw it again .. Ash and I just sat there and cleaned out my purse, put on make-up ... and Laughed our fuckin' asses off!!!! HAHAHAHA It was SOOO much fun. Ohh yeah, and Mr. Smith attempted to call me out on talking, so I gave him the evil eye .. he won't be doing that again .. but I guess I could wear a low shirt Monday .. to make up for it *wink wink*.
Journalism .. not too bad, I didn't leave class, but it was OK, because I had a lot of work to do.
Today.. I got my HAIR DID! I got my hair cut, almost 5 inches! It's short, infact, it is shorter than I had originaly anticipated because the picture I gave the lady isn't exacly what my hair looks like, but it's OK. I just can't wear it all the way down because I don't really think that it looks right.
After I got my HAIR DID I came home and was planning on going to play tennis after a while. Well, Ma called and told me that she wasnted to go to Winston. HELL TO THE YEAH (thanks for a new sayin' ASH)!! I didn't really want to play tennis anyway.. So Ma came home and we went to Winston.
Now, I'm not one for highway 52, so I drove on old 52 to get to Winston... And as everyone knows, to get on old 52 you have to go past East Surry High School ... you know ... by the BASEBALL field...*wink wink* (see Ash .. I DID go!!!). Anyway, I really didn't mind driving to Winston because my mom can't drive for SHIT and it would have made me crazy with her driving, only there are two reasons NOT to let my mom ride with you for more than .. about 2 SECONDS.
First, she refuses, even if it's YOUR CAR and YOUR driving, to let you listen to music that was made this CENTURY. I always have to listen to the beachboys or whatever is on the oldies station .. NOOOOOO!!! The second reason is that if a car is stopped 5 miles ahead of you, you hear little sighs. You are in NO danger of hitting the car that is ahead of you, and you have no reason to slow down, but if you don't slow down, or just take your foot of the gas pedal, you hear her go "humm" or "huuuuuuuuuuuuughhhhh" or something like that ... It drives me NUCKING FUTZ!
But we got down to Winston still on one piece, BARELY, and we only had to go to Sam's. I love Sam's, it's just something about being able to buy 5,000 tissues at one time that appeals to me. So after we shopped we ate. At lunch we were talking about my FUCKING ASSHOLE (HER son, not my brother, HER son) and how much we DIDN'T want him to be home this summer. Then I said, you know, I think my drivng down here and around Winston was pretty good, it'd be nice if I could come down here with my friends before I'm 30, and it would also be nice if you know .. I could drive myself to college. OMGsh ... that pissed her off, and she goes "Stop it right now ... I don't want to deal with this drama" ... I BUSTED out laughing. Seeing a 41 year old woman say that .. was HILARIOUS!!! And she looked at me like .. OMGsh ... you BETTER shut up before I attempt to open up a can of Whoop ass on you .. but I wish she would have said it ... how funny would THAT have been?
But after lunch we went to Target and I got a white halter top (ohh maybe I should wear THAT Monday ...). I'm not exactly sure what I'm going to do with a halter top. I can't wear it to school, but it's real comfy .. I guess I could wear it to play tennis in .. maybe someone could notice me????
OK that's about it. No other news to report, tune in tomorrow, maybe there will be some drama, or something else....
DOWNLOAD MAROON 5's SHE WILL BE LOVED (the song above) ... you won't regret it!!!

**STATE OF SHOCK** ... **SAVE THE DRAMA FOR YOUR MAMA**

I'm sorry, I know I havn't bloged in a few days.. I'm in shock ...
Monday, I found out that the throphy couple in my life, for the past FOUR years .... has split.
OK OK, Catch your breath ... It's OK...
OK, I'm not even sure what happend to cause it. It's MA so there are a LOT of rumors already .. But OMGsh.... It feels as if everything is going to turn upside down. "North will become South, East will become West, the world itself will .. cease to exist" (DOGMA!!!!).
AnywayZ today was OK ... school's school ... only 12 more days left .... THANK GOODNESS.
NOW ... something that JUST HAPPEND.
I have this friend. We'll call her "W" and she likes this guy ... we'll call him "B". OK now W says that she really likes B, but she talkes to other guys like R, N, J, C ect. Now I have told her in the past... You know B is a good friend of all our ours, If you like him .. don't treat him badly.
Now I know that I'm not the BEST person to ask in refrence to "relationship" questions... but this is common sense.
So when B called out W tonight, (about how he isn't sure if he likes her, because she I didn't mean to sound mean, or bitchy, I simply said "Told ya so" because ... lets face it.. I DID!!!! OMGsh people!!!!
I wouldn't want anyone treating me like that, friend OR fo... and If I liked the person (like, like liked), I wouldn't treat them like crap, because I like them, and I wouldn't want them to do that to me... it's the golden rule people!
So anyway, I really don't feel that I was in the wrong, putting W in her place .. AGAIN. I think that it was totally apporpriate (If you don't feel so, I'm sorry... I guess you just have to know the WHOLE story to get my point)
RANDOM ADVERTISMENT:::::: **VOTE EMMA AND TAYLOR FOR PREZ AND VICE PREZ FOR '04-'05 .... THE ANNOUNCMENTS WILL BE GOOD Y'ALL!!!!::::::::
OK so ... anyway....
Whew ... Ok I'm starting to cool off from my mood... much better
So OK ... let me talk for a moment about school .. since I had to skip over the details to report the DRAMA...
Spanish was OK, we did a worksheet, then watched Indiana Jones. I like Spanish, but it's getting hard for me to keep up (or shall I say hardER than usual). And no matter what Tilman says ... it's hard!!!
English is English ..BORING. I swear... if Pani is a pushover, what do you call Mrs. Carson? I mean we could get that woman to jump off the roof if we laid a gilt trip on her (Pani isn't THAT bad .. yet). Today, we were supposed to have our rough drafts ready for Mrs. Carson. Well at 11:10 (five minutes before class was over) she tells us that she's had enough of everyone taking all class period to do things ... then everyone who WASN'T prepared for class told her they were sorry, and that they just weren't sure what to do with the paper. SHE BOUGHT IT. OMGsh ...
Lunch ... hum ... just weird....
Third period .. HATE IT! The only thing that I like about that class is the fact that Ash is in there... and that we can make fun of Bessy, while she sits RIGHT BEHIND US, and doesn't realize what we're doing..
Journalism ... it was OK, All I did was typed one article and talked to Tilman and Taylor ... and confesed my ABSOLUTE hatred for one Todd Solomon.
After school Sadie and I went to get something to eat, then to wash her car off...
I was thinking on this today ... I think it's funny and TRUE
Most used word in high school - "Like"
Most used word to express over-all emotion in high school "confused"

Not spell checkin' this one ....

Have you ever heard them referred to as "The dog days of summer"?
I can't remember what book that is from, but I remember reading it in the fourth grade ...
Anyway, a Sunday..
It wasn't too bad. After I posted last night, I got into bed and fell asleep.
I got up this morning around 10, and took a shower, got dressed, went and put gas in a car, got some water and met my family at my grandmother's house, for brunch.
It wasn't so bad. The only thing that REALLY got to me was my douche of an uncle, Buddy. I can't really remember how the conversation got started, but he and my grandmother, grandfather, asshole, daddy and my aunt started talking about the word "nigger".
Now, if you know me, you know that I don't like that word and there they were for a good 20 minutes or so .. Throwing it around. They said stuff like "well they call each other nigger, why do they get mad if we call them that?" OMGsh people... You have a name... Would you like some Chinese person calling you "Caucasian"? I don't think so... I read Huck Funn, and I have heard enough about that word, STOP IT! So finnaly, I half way broke up the conversation telling grandmother to open her present.
After brunch, I came home and fell asleep. I got up at 9 pm, and went and got some dinner, and then worked on my English paper, and started some laundry.
That's about it ... I'll post later!

"High school is 90% Expirementaion, 8% Partying, and 2% class..." - "Smith"
How the hell ya doin'?
OK First off I gotta give some shout outs!
Emma.... thanks for leaving my that IM, it makes me feel better that I'm not the only one who feels like this .... thanks for bein' there Emms!!! Love ya!
PEE PEE .... Thanks for ALWAYS being there when I need a 'moniter' to cry on! You ALWAYS make me feel better, and you know JUST what to say!! And I'll keep you updated on "THE BAKERY"!!!! Love you bunches!! :-* !!!!!


OK so yeah ... this week is FINNALY over, and there are 15 more school days left!! YAY!!! I am SO glad it's almost over... I can't take too much more of it!
So anyways... I'm pretty sure I didn't post last night, infact I'm not sure when my last post was, but I'm too lazy to look it up, so I'll start from Friday.
School was school. Boring, long, miserable but I made it through and after school I went out in the vert, I just needed to clear my head, ya know? So i just drove around for abour 30 minutes, and came home and talked to Chase and Jamod for a little while, and I was going to the Elkin game with Sadie, but I didn't really feel like it, and niether did she. So, I stayed home and watched The Italian Job and Live from Baghdad ... two great movies. The Itailan job ... good because it's got a funny def guy and MARK WALBURG!!! Live from Baghdad ... just a kick ass movie!!!
Today, I got up around 10 am, and just kinda chilled. I was sctually sitting on my bed at 12:54, and I thought I could go play tennis and just get some shit out of my head. So I jumped in the shower and got my shit and left for the tennis couts at MAHS. Well, I got down there and the guys tennis team was playing and I saw all these at the baseball field. I had forgotten that Surry Pride try-outs were today.... But I went back a little while later and the tennis team was gone, so I got my stuff out and started hitting, and up comes Sadie! We were supposed to go up on the mountain, but she never called so i left. Well she wanted to go up there then, so I said OK but I had only been out there like 20 minutes, so we hit a few balls and went back to our houses to get our crap, and get ready to go to the parkway.
Well ... it took a while to get out of town just because we had some errands to run, then we went up on the moutain ... fun times. We went to Mabry Mill and then we went to Lover's Leap.... it was FUN!
When we got back in town, I got home and noticed that I was red as a beet. You could even tell on my face where my sun glasses were ... and still can.... :(
Anyway, I was home and I fell asleep and then when I woke up (around 10) I went to Micky Dee's and got something to eat, and came home and Olga, Christina, and Jennifer were over here and so we hung out then Christina and I went to Barrett Hinson's house.
Barrett's house was fun, we all sat in the living room, and it was Barrett, his mon Kim, and his dad Keith, Ben Davis, Sid Davis (he came later), Cathrine Poole, Ashley Lewis, Katie Marsh, Tara Thaker, Amelia Cockerham (she came and went), Josh Caudle, Whitney Large, Britney Lee and me and Christina....
It was fun, the guys did these shots. They poured half a red bull into a big shot glass and put this German liquor (it's pronounced Yagermister) into a smaller shot glass, droped the small glass into the big one, and chugged it. It smelled nasty ... and I'm sure it tasted even worse. Then we all just sat around and talked, and Barrett and I talked about how I needed to enjoy my last year of high school, because he said it sucks when you leave (if you ask me, it sucks now). But we just hugged good byee and he told me to come back next weekend .. that he'd probably have another little get together.
But anyway, I came back home and Chase was in the basement, and we watched like 30 minutes of G.I. Jane, and then mom and dad, asshole, and Chase went to Steak 'n' Egg ... I would have gone but fucking asshole was going ...
BTW: Fucking Asshole, Asshole, M. Fucker, Fucker and Buttmunch is my brother, Corey "FUCKING ASSHOLE" Hunter Council ... just to let ya know.
Well It's been real but it's late ... or early ... depends on how you look at it... not spell checkin' this one ...

"Somethings missing
And I don't know how to fix it
Something's missing
And I son't know what it is
At all" - Something's missing - John Mayer

I really have been trying to see myself as the "beautiful" girl that everyone tells me that I am. Not to sound conceeded, I really am trying to hold my head up a little higher, and try to feel special but after 16 years of trying to stay under the radar, I'm afraid old habits are gonna die, hard.
I really have tried to see myself as "pretty" but I just don't see it. When I look in the mirror I see *****SPONTANEOUS COMBUSTION*****, I just see two eyes, a nose and a mouth, with over sized lips. I don't see a pretty person like Ash, or Sadie....
Something IS missing, and I think I know how to fix it. It seems that everything is going good in my life. I'm a junior, I have my license, I have GREAT friends, I have a nice home, and a nice family (excluding my ASSHOLE brother).... what more can I ask for, right? What else do I need, I can be considered SOOO lucky compared to other people less fortunate than I am... But I feel that there is a piece of me that isn't all there. It feels like I just need one thing to really fell complete... a person to share my wonderful life with.
Now, Maybe I am wrong, maybe I am just where I am supposed to be, and everything that is in my life is supposed to be there... but I don't know ... feedback .... sure....

"At My Most Beautiful" REM

I've found a way to make you smile
I've found a way
A way to make you smile

I read bad poetry
Into your machine.
I save your messages
Just to hear your voice.
You always listen carefully
To awkward rhymes.
You always say your name,
Like I wouldn't know it's you,
At your most beautiful.

I've found a way to make you smile
I've found a way
A way to make you smile

At my most beautiful
I count your eyelashes, secretly.
With every one, whisper I love you.
I let you sleep.
I know you're closed eye watching me,
Listening.
I though I saw a smile.

I've found a way to make you smile
I've found a way
A way to make you smile



"I can't be sure that tis state of mind
Is not of my own design
I wish there was an over-the-counter test
for loneliness like this" - John Mayer

"Somethings missing
And I don't know how to fix it
Something's missing
And I don't know what it is
At all" - Something's missing - John Mayer

I really have been trying to see myself as the "beautiful" girl that everyone tells me that I am. Not to sound conceeded, I really am trying to hold my head up a little higher, and try to feel special but after 16 years of trying to stay under the radar, I'm afraid old habits are gonna die, hard.
I really have tried to see myself as "pretty" but I just don't see it. When I look in the mirror I see *****SPONTANEOUS COMBUSTION*****, I just see two eyes, a nose and a mouth, with over sized lips. I don't see a pretty person like Ash, or Sadie....
Something IS missing, and I think I know how to fix it. It seems that everything is going good in my life. I'm a junior, I have my license, I have GREAT friends, I have a nice home, and a nice family (excluding my ASSHOLE brother).... what more can I ask for, right? What else do I need, I can be considered SOOO lucky compared to other people less fortunate than I am... But I feel that there is a piece of me that isn't all there. It feels like I just need one thing to really fell complete... a person to share my wonderful life with.
Now, Maybe I am wrong, maybe I am just where I am supposed to be, and everything that is in my life is supposed to be there... but I don't know ... feedback .... sure....

"At My Most Beautiful" REM

I've found a way to make you smile
I've found a way
A way to make you smile

I read bad poetry
Into your machine.
I save your messages
Just to hear your voice.
You always listen carefully
To awkward rhymes.
You always say your name,
Like I wouldn't know it's you,
At your most beautiful.

I've found a way to make you smile
I've found a way
A way to make you smile

At my most beautiful
I count your eyelashes, secretly.
With every one, whisper I love you.
I let you sleep.
I know you're closed eye watching me,
Listening.
I though I saw a smile.

I've found a way to make you smile
I've found a way
A way to make you smile



"I can't be sure that this state of mind
Is not of my own design
I wish there was an over-the-counter test
for loneliness like this" - John Mayer

ERRRR ARRRGGG OHHHHHHHH
OK, I just needed to do that.
School is ALMOST over. 19 days until we're OUTTA THERE! I wish it was for good, but at the same time, I'm terrified about that the fuck I am supposed to do with the rest of my life.
I was talking to Ash tonight about how I wanted a boyfriend. Just someone to hang out with (and MAKE out with). Do you know what I would give just to have a guy that I liked, like me back.... You know. Come over at watch TV, or go to the movies, or just have someone to talk to, and not feel so left out when all of my friends are talking about their guys (or Sadie's MANY fellas). Ash, forgive me, but sometimes I'm envious of Bessy. At least she has someone... Even if.... well... you know.
I started talking to a friend of mine from ES tonight, we had kinda gotten in a semi-fight last night. He has the ability to make me feel better, but I'm never really sure if it's sincere, because, well .... I don't literally know him. It's complicated ... Just like the rest of my life.
We started talking about him going camping this summer, and all of a sudden we were in a conversation about what we were going to do after high school, and college. And whether or not we were going to have kids, or get married, or live here.
I started crying. I felt it coming yesterday when I was on the phone with Paula and got some disturbing news. And still I felt it coming this afternoon when I was at Sadie's house when she was sitting on Bobby's lap... It just made me feel bad... ya know?
I started crying because this friend has a semi-plan for his life. Well... He knows what he wants to do for the rest of his life. If I even had an inkling I'd be happy. But NO, I'm still on the triple 9 train (undecided).
It was just one of those times when you needed to get it all out. For me, it's been coming for a while, but it came to a head tonight. But I'm glad I talked to him.... But it's till just so confusing.
I want this person to talk to and to hang out with, but I don't know who it is. I want it to be him, but at the same time, he is such a good person to talk to, and he's "talking" to this other girl and that just doesn't make me feel much better. I don't know if I want it to be him, or a person just like him. A nice country boy who can, at times, be an ass, but the next minute can make me feel better (at the absence of Ash).
I wish I had the confidence to go out to him and introduce myself. I wish I could be like Ashley, or Sara. They just can go balls out and get what they want, and I'm the little wallflower, afraid to move, or speak, afraid I will say the wrong thing and screw it up. But at the same time, not knowing if I am strong enough to do it, even if I did have all the confidence in the world.
OK people you've got 8 months 'til Christmas ... And at the top of my list is a few billion jars of self-confidence.... If you tell me where to get it, I'll be there.
A few song quotes I've been dwelling on...

"Sweet like candy to my soul, a sweet you rock, sweet you roll" - Dave Matthews Band

"I wish there was an over the counter test, for loneliness" - John Mayer

"The same black line that was drawn on you, was drawn on me, and now it's drawin' me in" - The Wallflowers

"I just want you to know. I've found a reason for me. To change who I used to be. A reason to start over new... And the reason is you" - Hoobastank

And the full song "Mona Lisa" by Guster .... I hope you appreciate it...

If in the morning you look up
Fake a smile and you sigh
DonÂ’t fear the future
In the years to come youÂ’ll learn, you'll learn
I used to sit and watch the pouring rain
I used to wish to be back home again
I hadnÂ’t the strength then
I hadnÂ’t the chance to reveal it
But itÂ’s all in your hands
When do we begin?
Although youÂ’re so sad
Discover things never had
It makes you wonder
A life alone youÂ’ll learn, you'll learn,
YouÂ’ll learn
When do we begin?

ERRRR ARRRGGG OHHHHHHHH
OK, I just needed to do that.
School is ALMOST over. 19 days until we're OUTTA THERE! I wish it was for good, but at the same time, I'm terrified about that the fuck I am supposed to do with the rest of my life.
I was talking to Ash tonight about how I wanted a boyfriend. Just someone to hang out with (and MAKE out with). Do you know what I would give just to have a guy that I liked, like me back.... You know. Come over at watch TV, or go to the movies, or just have someone to talk to, and not feel so left out when all of my friends are talking about their guys (or Sadie's MANY fellas). Ash, forgive me, but sometimes I'm envious of Bessy. At least she has someone... Even if.... well... you know.
I started talking to a friend of mine from ES tonight, we had kinda gotten in a semi-fight last night. He has the ability to make me feel better, but I'm never really sure if it's sincere, because, well .... I don't literally know him. It's complicated ... Just like the rest of my life.
We started talking about him going camping this summer, and all of a sudden we were in a conversation about what we were going to do after high school, and college. And whether or not we were going to have kids, or get married, or live here.
I started crying. I felt it coming yesterday when I was on the phone with Paula and got some disturbing news. And still I felt it coming this afternoon when I was at Sadie's house when she was sitting on Bobby's lap... It just made me feel bad... ya know?
I started crying because this friend has a semi-plan for his life. Well... He knows what he wants to do for the rest of his life. If I even had an inkling I'd be happy. But NO, I'm still on the triple 9 train (undecided).
It was just one of those times when you needed to get it all out. For me, it's been coming for a while, but it came to a head tonight. But I'm glad I talked to him.... But it's till just so confusing.
I want this person to talk to and to hang out with, but I don't know who it is. I want it to be him, but at the same time, he is such a good person to talk to, and he's "talking" to this other girl and that just doesn't make me feel much better. I don't know if I want it to be him, or a person just like him. A nice country boy who can, at times, be an ass, but the next minute can make me feel better (at the absence of Ash).
I wish I had the confidence to go out to him and introduce myself. I wish I could be like Ashley, or Sara. They just can go balls out and get what they want, and I'm the little wallflower, afraid to move, or speak, afraid I will say the wrong thing and screw it up. But at the same time, not knowing if I am strong enough to do it, even if I did have all the confidence in the world.
OK people you've got 8 months 'til Christmas ... And at the top of my list is a few billion jars of self-confidence.... If you tell me where to get it, I'll be there.
A few song quotes I've been dwelling on...

"Sweet like candy to my soul, a sweet you rock, sweet you roll" - Dave Matthews Band

"I wish there was an over the counter test, for loneliness" - John Mayer

"The same black line that was drawn on you, was drawn on me, and now it's drawin' me in" - The Wallflowers

"I just want you to know. I've found a reason for me. To change who I used to be. A reason to start over new... And the reason is you" - Hoobastank

And the full song "Mona Lisa" by Guster .... I hope you appreciate it...

If in the morning you look up
Fake a smile and you sigh
DonÂ’t fear the future
In the years to come youÂ’ll learn, you'll learn
I used to sit and watch the pouring rain
I used to wish to be back home again
I hadnÂ’t the strength then
I hadnÂ’t the chance to reveal it
But itÂ’s all in your hands
When do we begin?
Although youÂ’re so sad
Discover things never had
It makes you wonder
A life alone youÂ’ll learn, you'll learn,
YouÂ’ll learn
When do we begin?

Footnote...
I realized today that I am in love, with being in love. I pine for the one day that I might have the chance to share a special moment with a guy that I like and enjoy spending time with.
Have you ever seen the movie The Other Sister? Every time I watch that movie, I think to myself, "These two retards can do it.... What the fuck is wrong with me?"
Every time I see two people kiss, whether it be on the movies or in real life, my heart shrivels up a little bit. Lately, hanging around Carrie and Tyler it's been going fast. One day in the not-so-far away near future, it's gonna be a friggin' prune. All I will need is an old person to eat me for breakfast ... And my life will be over... Helping this poor bastard stay regular...
And so goes the story of my life ...

A Mid Summer Night's Dream - PROM 2004
Ahh... What a night! It was really fun...
OK first I have to say that although I have been winning about talking about Prom for the last like ... YEAR but last night really was awesome! We had a lot of fun!
OK so first, I had to take the SAT which SUCKED! Not JUST because it was on Prom day, but because I thought it was kinda hard (The verbal wasn't really .. But the Math ... DAMN!). During the SAT, me and Preston semi-talked back and forth. There were only three MA people in there. There were like four or five ES people and a shit load of Elkin people :( ... And they say MA people are hicks ...
During the SAT, first, we sat down and Mrs. Best read all the shit she had to read, and we were about 10 minutes into the first section when I hear the tune of Tom Jones' "It's not unusual". OMGsh .. There was this carnival or something thing in Verterans Park ... OMGsh, then this Tom Jones impersonation started singing it. EVERYONE in the room busted out laughing... It was hilarious!!! So, of course, I had that stuck in my head the rest of the time (And a vision of Carlton dancing... FRESH PRINCE OF BEL AIR PEOPLE!!!).
So after that, we were sitting there and we had just taken our first break, and all of a sudden, I saw Preston (who was sitting beside me, by the way) out of the corner of my eye, look up and I heard him say "Fuck", real low. I looked at him, and the was looking out side, at the POURING rain. Damn rain. So I just knew that our day was gonna be crazy, because everyone I was going to Prom with had to come up with a back-up plan of how do deal with pictures.
After the SAT, I waited on Sadie to get out of the SAT and she had to go get her HAIR DID, and so she said "Hi" and "Byee" and was gone in like 2 minutes. So I called Paula, then went over to Paula's house to talk about what we were going to do, and we didn't really get anything accomplished. So I came home, around 1:30 and ate dinner and waited on my hair and make-up girl to show up.
Heather, who did my hair and make up, was SUPPOSED to be here at 2 ... at 2:45 she shows up. I had to be at Bobby's house at 3:30 to take pictures. And I didn't leave to go to Bobby's house 'till 4. I was trying SOOO hard to hint to her to HURRY THE FUCK UP, but she just didn't get it! But I got to Bobby's and we took pictures and went to Grace Moravian to take pictures because that's where we FINALLY decided to take pictures.
Well, we all met to take pictures at 4:30 .. And dinner reservations weren't 'til 7, so we all came back to my house and chilled, and got all of our last little things and then we just got ready and left.
It was me, Bobby, Tyler and Carrie in Carrie's dad's jeep, and Sadie, her date Corey, and Caroline and Christian in Sadie's dad's Tahoe, and Paula and Zack in Zack's car. We all got to the Depot fine, and we took pictures and hung out then we went to sit down and order.
Well, as soon as we all got settled, every girl had to go to the bathroom. So we all went to the bathroom and had to hold each others dresses up and then went back to the table, took pics, and just talked.
I'm not sure when we left dinner to come back to MA for Prom, but it was around 8:30. We all piled into our cars and headed back to CCCC. We got there and took pictures and talked, and then they played some slow songs and Bobby and I danced. Then Corey and I danced, and it was fun! They played like three sets of slow songs, and they were 4 songs long, so we just talked and tried to talk to everyone and take pictures.
It weirdest part of the whole night was it went by so fast! I mean, one minute we were eating dinner, and the next they were announcing the last song.
The other weird part was being with Bobby. The whole "Sara" thing kinda complicated things, with the guys always seeming to make it weird. But, Bobby was great, and it was so odd having to like hold his hand when we did pictures or posing together, and dancing together real close. Ahh a wonderful night!
When it was over, Bobby and the rest of the people came back to my house and we chilled. He had to go home at 1:30, so I took him and I walked him to the door and we hugged, and said goodbyee. I got back to the house and everyone asked me if I kissed him ... um .. NO! And when Sara asked me I was like WFT^^?! I thought you liked him???!?!?!?
ERR, anyway... It's weird looking back, because I was happy Bobby went with me, and we had fun, but when we had to dance together I could see him pinning (I think) after Sara, and he kinda knew I wasn't really thinking of him either, (well .. not like THAT) but us walking around together and all .. it was confusing because I don't like Bobby like that, but I realized how nice it would be to have someone that I did like like that, and how much fun we could have together ... no such luck ... **ONLY IN MY DREAMS** (haha, Mid Summer's nights dream ... and my dream ...), right Ash?
So, I'll stop going on and on ... Just wanted to fill you in on the night's festivities ...
And Ash ... thanks again for helpin' me out ... I just wish you could have been there, too!!! Love you!!
And to all of my friends, who I went to Prom with... Had a BLAST!!!! Love all y'all!!!!

AHHHHH I think I have survived my first Identity Crisis...
FIRST OFF... I have to thank Ash for helping me tonight ... Maybe one day I'll be over this and be normal ... But at least I don't have to pass my bad traits to my children!!!
OK so I know there's been a lack of posting... Oopsy Daisy! I don't even know when the last time i posted was, So I'm just gonna start from yesterday (Thursday).
OK so at school Thursday ... Spanish was fun. We brought in pictures of us all though our life, and made a poster with 10 things about us in Spanish... PLUS we got out of that class early because we had an assembly.
We went the English and almost immidately went to the auditorim for the assembly. It was the SADD program. I had already heard the speaker before, and his story so I just kinda mellowed out. When it was over, we just went back to English and went up to the library to "work on our reasearch papers" ... which means that Carrie and I copied a few pages from the WORLD BOOK and sat in talking for a good hour. I had to hear someone's physics lesson to get over an hour of Carrie though ... LOL
Ahh .. after English we went to lunch and signed the "Safe-n-sober" thing . got a cool t-shirt .. it's gonna be a GREAT sleep t-shirt!!
Then after lunch we went to Earth Science. We had started Finding Forrester on WED, and Ash was back today .. so the FLIES had to back off a bit. We joked and laughed all the way though it!!!!
Journalism was OK ... we just kinda hung out and went to Eckerd.
OK so here comes today. I didn't go to school. Who said "Senior Skip Day" applied souly to Seniors? So I met Sadie and Paula at Hardee's for breakfast, then I came home and worked on cleaning my room ... I have blue carpet.. did you know that? I did today!!!
So when I was brored (which was twice today) and I had to go out and like get my Prom flowers and then again to Wal-Mart *** side story ... I went to Wal-Mart to get a bag, some rubber cement, and something else. I got to the register ... and the lady asked me if I was 18 when she was trying to ring up the rubber cement. Did you know that Wal-Mart won't sell you rubber cement or paint unless your 18? yeah .. like i was gonna come home and get high sniffing rubber cement... *** Ok so I went to Pilot Mtn. today .. TWICE. It's bad when you live in a little town like Mayberry... and you have to go to the next town over that's smaller than your town, and only like 8 miles away ... to have something to do. But NOOO I'm even MORE pathedic than that ... I just drove down, got on main street, went to the end, took the other road back, and got back on the high way and came back to MA .. that's bad, huh?
It's so weird that while I'm writing this I'm talking to Mikel Snow ... I guy I used to go to school with, but now I don't and who is now dating one of my best friends, and most mentioned person on my Blog .. Ash. Now it's not weird that I'm talking to him because Ash didn't want me to or something (yeah I'd be smart .. she only reads this thing EVERY CHANCE SHE GETS) but it's weird because i havn't talked to him in SOOO long.
Ok so .. yeah ...
Tomorrow's the BIG DAY .. no .. i'm not getting married "AS IF, this is California .. not Kentucky, and I'm only 16 (Clueless)". It is the day of the illusive PROM. On top of being nervous about all that shiz niz, i have SAT bright and early at 8 am. AND on top of THAT (Ash I gotta mention it) a "friend" (if you can call it a friend) will be there and I don't want him to be **long story .. don't have the space, time or energy**.
OK so after a little venting session with Ash .. I feel tons better .. Now I'm going to sleep so that I can get a PERFECT SCORE on the SAT.... byees
**not spell checkin' this one...**