Life:

One of the most beautiful song lyrics, ever.


Our youth is fleeting
Old age is just around the bend
And I can't wait to go gray
And I'll sit in wonder
Of every love that could've been
If I'd only thought of something
Charming to say

This is a verse from "The Sound of Setteling" by Death Cab for Cutie.

This song is my life right now.

Kathryn got married!!

..and I have pictures to prove it!

Me and the Bride!




Caroline being silly




Kathryn and Papa Hiatt..father/daughter dance




Mr. and Mrs. R. Steven Huff




Naked Cal!




I freaking love Emma Jane Refvem. (period)




Brad Gentry!




Me and Emma being ridiculous.

I have a 5 day break during exams.

And instead of studying the whole time, I've found my next goal: master garageband.

I forgot I had it!!

Yay.

I'm a dork.

I know.

Grandaddy - AM 180

Don’t change your name
Keep it the same
For fear I may lose you again
I know you won't
It's just that I
Am unorganized
And I want to find you
When something good happens
"AM 180" is a song I've LOVED since high school. It's on that Tillman introduced me to.

It popped up on a commercial tonight. But I couldn't find the commenercial because I couldn't remember what it was...because I was too busy freaking out about Grandaddy being on a national ad campaign (I think it was for a car).

WHOAAA!!




If you come down
We'll go to town
I haven't been there for years
But I’d be fine
Wasting our time
Not doing anything here
Just doing nothing

We’ll sit for days
And talk about things
Important to us like whatever
We'll defuse bombs
And walk marathons
And take on whatever, together

In the Secret Garden she hides...

My new favorite thing is reading. I used to just deal with the fact that I never had time to read for pleasure, but not now. I carve out time to sit and read everyday.

My summer reading list:

Catch 22
Les Miserables (again)
Catcher in the Rye (again)
The Chronicles of Narnia, again. (I just bought all 7 books in ONE off of Amazon for $3.73!)
Alice in Wonderland (Got it off of Amazon for $2.75!)
..and I want to re-read some of the books from when I was younger like Hatchet, and Count the Stars

I'm very excited, and READY for summer!!!!!!

16 Days until Mayberry for a month!

I can't sleep, go figure

I'm reading this book, by one of my favorite authors, Wally Lamb. Man, that guy can write.

She's come undone changed my life, literally.

Anyway, I'm reading "I know this much is true" about two identical twins, Dominick and Thomas. Only, Thomas is sick, very sick. Sick in the head. And Dominick isn't. There's no hint of mental illness in him. So, the book is going through, documenting their separate lives as not sick, and very sick.

The book is almost 900 pages. I'm just at the half-way mark. I've been reading it off and on for about two weeks. It's great. It's the kind of book I stay up until 4 am reading because I don't want to put it down.

Ever since I saw "When Harry Met Sally," I've read the first chapter, then skipped and either read the last chapter, or the last page. Curiosity kills the cat, I guess.

Anyway, I, of course, did that with this book. But tonight, geared up from this weekend, and the code red I downed to finsih some work, but won't wear off, I couldn't take it.

I skipped ahead, but I already knew what the last page was about. I needed to find out some more details. I thought it would help me sleep or something. Nope.

I've ruined the story. No, I wouldn't say ruined, I saw a few things coming. However, I had to search for them. I've gotten the big stuff out of the way. Very interesting. I always envy writers. If this stuff hasn't happened to you, then how the hell do you write it? Like television wiriters, I'm sure they've had some of those experiences, and then thew in some funny lines and BAM! Freinds. But, in novels, this stuff was made up, holy shit. How is this done?

I have a crush on someone, completely off limits. Sad. More about that later, maybe? I've got some soul-searching to do.

"Whoooooo'll stop the rain" - I love CCR.

Anyway, I've had this song by Hanson stuck in my head alllll day long. "I'll be with you in your dreams" and it feels like something is talking to me. Like, I really will find out something in my dreams or something. Like I can tell the future, and it's saying "FUCKING SLEEP ALREADY AND FIND OUT THE SECRET OF LIFE" or something. But maybe it's the anticipation. Like Chirstmas. Have you ever seen "In the Army Now"? That just popped up. (I just re-read this...kinda weird how I talk about someone being mentally ill up a few lines, and here I am talking about the voices in my head...whoaaaaaaa.)

I've got a busy week ahead. Which porobaly isn't helping my sleeping situation. Spanish test at 11:25, which I didn't even crack my book to study for (no me gusta espanol, ok?), a stats presentaion either today or Wednesday. And one of my group members STILL hasn't e-mailed me his pages to print (I just checked). Law is getting annoying. However, I caught up COMEPLETELY with my portfoili tonight, so that's cool. I wish I could burn my corporate finance book.

Anyway, the pressure's on. Because if I can get a 90 on the presentation in Stats, then I DON'T HAVE TO TAKE THE FINAL! So, I think I'm really toying with that. Ohh yeah, I have a spanish speech on Wedndesday that I haven't even started on. Three minutes of plans for fin de semana. Any ideas? I know how to say wedding "Matrimonio/a" I'm pretty sure. I've had to use it before.

I facebooked Emma tonight. She's going to Kathryn's wedding reception on Saturday. I haven't seen Emma since I ran into her at Christmas when we were both going to see Juno. But I haven't TALKED to her in, holyshitIcan'tevenremember.

It's 5:04 and I'm wired for sound!

Hey Kathryn, you get to see the Appalachian Mountains this week. Whoa. Literally, everytime I go to the parkway, I silently say hey to the mountains for Kathryn. It's our thing, I guess.

Ahhhhhhh I'll never sleep again. I feeeeeel it.


Ohh, I think I've figured out the secret of life.

This didn't come to me in a dream.

Perspective.

I don't know if there's a God. I have no idea. I don't want to say if I'm on the fence, I'm just trying to make up my mind. Anyway. If there is, if there isn't. Whatever.

I just think that everyone sees something different in life. People live it comepletely different. COMEPLETELY. I mean, people in this country, and others, totally different lives.

I think our quest as humans, whether that quest was put forth by some amazing thing/person, or if the universe is just toying with us, I think we're supposed to learn all we can from other people. We're supposed to open ourselves to other people, learn their story, understand or try to understand their lives, where they came from. Their struggles, their sucess. Their history.

To gain perspective.

This came to me driving in my car today. I thought it was interesting. My mind was wandering to places it shouldn't, and the thought came to me. Drivng through the traffic circle on W.T. Weaver. I'll need to remeber this one day, which is why I'm writing it now. Call me crazy.

Anyway, how does that sound? Perspective. Maybe we're supposed to spread a word, maybe we're supposed to go back to the mother-ship, maybe we're supposed to just listen to other people. Find them out, and find something out about ourselves.

The only problem is, the asshole rednecks, and close-minded people. Maybe that's what we're supposed to do, open them up.

Ahh, who knows? I really did think that someone found out the secret of life high, or drunk or something on a public bus (who knows? That 70's Show?). But yeah. Perspective. My new favorite word, my new favorite quest.

Gain perspective.




Ohh yeah, we alllll know what I bad speller I am, and the little squiggly red lines aren't popping up, so take some guesses about what I'm trying to say.

GSE!!

I only listen to this song in the Spring/Summer time. Don't ask why. Just listen to the greatness that is Jump, Little Children.

I was going to put up a youtube video of "Mexico." But I found GSE representin' on youtube instead (and no good versions of "Mexico")




I really only listen to J,LC in the summer in general. I can't explain it. But it's about that time, so I'm bringin' 'em back to my playlist.

Kathryn's getting married on Friday.

I get to see her married self on Saturday, with alllll of my old crew from high school.

I can't get my head out of the clouds, and I can't get a smile off my face.

My mind is not where it needs to be.

Finals are next week, and my mind is in never-never land. (The Disney kind, not the Jacko kind).

If you see me in the next two weeks, SHAKE ME and tell me to snap out of it, and come back from daydreaming.

Seriously, yell at me.

Verse.

So, I tried to put music on this thing, but I couldn't figure out what song I wanted on here.

My mood changes so often, it would be hard to get one to fit every mood of mine, and to fit the
words of my posts.

Ya know?

While I was making some template changes, I made a few others.

I got this facebook message this morning from Mike Bowers.

One of my "bosses" (even though he said in his message that his last day was June 1, so he'll never actually BE my boss.

Anyway, he stumbled upon my blog when he googled himself (May I just interject, I would LOVE to go back 50 years and let someone read this...although it would probably have to be printed out or something, because if you handed someone a computer that would blow their mind, and they wouldn't be confused by the new words that have emerged lately, which would down play the point I'm trying to make. Blog's a funny word.) So....ok. Mike's last day is June 1. I just lost my thought. Fuck.

OK, so, the message was that Mike found my blog when he googled himself (I'm not holding this against him, I've totally done it before), and I think he was just warning me to be careful (infact, that's eaactly what it was) about what I put up on the internet.

I wonder if he read around, or if he just read the one about him. Hum... I wouldn't really care. There are some stupid things on here, some stories, some rants, etc. I don't think it really matters.

Anyway, he said that he had a story from a few years back about stuff on the internet, and I could ask him about it. Which I fully intend to do, if the occasion ever arises.

This is an except from the message he sent:

"In all seriousness, do let me offer an unsolicited word of advice: be careful about what you put online, regardless of how many (or how few) people you think read your blog, look at your profile, etc. I had quite the crisis several years ago because of that. If you ever want to hear about it, stop by and ask. :-"

How nice is that? And what exactly does it mean?

Does it mean that he saw something not-so-great on my profile, or something that could get me into trouble? (with my bosses or not, just something that a 20-year-old college girl shouldn't have out there for the world to see) Or something along those lines?

It's really weird, I'm, like, scared to re-read the blog, because I hope he wasn't offended about what I wrote. Mike's cool. Even though he's not going to be here much longer, I'd hate to think he thought I was a bitch, or snob, or something. I wonder if he's going to continue to read this. Ha. That thought literally made me laugh, and made me flash back to "Sleepless in Seattle and When Harry Met Sally at the same time. Whoa. My mind is wandering to places it doesn't belong.

Anyway.

So, yeah.

I'm fried right now. Not high, just frazzeld, there we go. My head's going in 349857234908572 different directions. Ahhhhhhhh.

OHH, so some of the other changes I made were that no longer will search engines "crawl" my blog when searching for something (haha, that makes it sound like a search engine is a person searching for something, instead of an imaginary thing that people use because they're lazy). So, that's cool. No more people I talk about finding out by googeling themselves. Ha!

I had this whole idea in my head about what to write. It was kind of imporant, too. But I've lost it.

If it comes back to me, I'll letchaknow. In the form of a post. Duh. Wow.


"The firetrucks are coming up around the bend" - Who is this? (This is going to be my new game with the one (potentially two readers? eh?) person who reads this thing. Well, and myself. It'll keep me on my toes. They're all music lyrics.

Now accepting boyfriend applications.

If you know of any possible suitors, send 'em my way!

I CAN SEMI-HEAR!!! (let's celebrate and listen to music!)

I wish I knew how to put music on here (if that's even possible) because I found another GREAT song to do homework to. (Sorry Mrs. Carson, I ended a sentence with a preposition).

"Someday" by The Mighty Mighty Boss Tones. Have you ever seen Clueless? They're the band playing at the big party.

MY EAR IS A LOT BETTER THANK YOU!!

Now, on to Corporate Finance.

Only, I think that Corporate Finance can really just suck my left nut. (If I had one, of course)

SOMEDAY I SUPPOSE!

My ear fucking HURTS and I haven't slept in 2 days because of it.


HOLYMOTHEROFFUCKIWOULDRATHERHAVETHEFLURIGHTNOW.MYEARHURTSSOFUCKINGBAD.

Ohh, and I can't hear out of it, either.

To my left ear,

FUCK YOU!

College:

The post below was supposed to me Me = BIG Ball of Stress...but it was late and I can't copy for shit.

(I just misspelled "shit" as "this" and I never knew you could get "this" out of "shit." Haha.

Anyway, if the image below works as it should..This pretty much sums up my weekends...

=

BIG


OF


(stress)

And for the moment, you can hardly breathe.

I've decided that the only time I'm EVER going to post, is in the wee hours of the morning, when I'm not sleeping.

Just kidding. But, at the rate I'm going, I'll be posting quite often.

I don't understand how I'm not tired. I didn't take my usual afternoon nap (yes, in my old age, of 20, I've reverted to kindergarten behavior).

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH (Real Monsters).

Haha, I'm in a playful mood, it seems.

I can't get comfy on my bed, and I'm sick of sitting at my desk.

¡Necesito el verano!, dammit.

So, for some reason, I really want to write my aunt a letter. It's not like we normally exhange letters, or even phone calls. I just want to fill her in on what's going on in my life, you know?

I want to write her a funny/clever/smart-ass note, and include some pictures, because I haven't seen the woman since Christmas.

I want to put pictures in the note, too. Like, I want to have someone take a picture of me the way I am now. Propped up on my bed, with my computer "pretending" to do work. And I want a picture of me filing or doing something funny like standing on the big yellow ladder at work. And I want to take a picture of the table where I sit at lunch with all of my friends.

I basically want to document my college experience. I haven't done that great of a job since I've been in college. Well...I have some funny beer pong pictures, but that's about it.

I changed my pricture on my blog (if you hadn't noticed). This is "Classic Courtney." My classic (drunk) pose, me being my crazy self.

One day I'm going to miss this. I'm going to miss eating cold pizza for breakfast, and staying up until 5 am, and doing crazy/stupid things with my friends. The worst part is, it won't be long until I'm missing these times. Shit.

Kathryn's wedding announcement came in the mail today.

It makes it official. Not that it wasn't before, but now I have tangible proof that she's getting married. I remember middle school when I met her, and high school where we became friends. And it's wierd, it seems like we've become better friends since we've been away at school. Crazy how me bing in North Carolina, and her being in Utah (accross the country) has made us become closer.

I always knew Kathryn was wiser beyond her years, but sometimes she leaves me messages that just cements that fact.

I'm happy she's getting married, but it scares the hell out of me.

For two reasons:

Kathryn's older than me, and getting married at 21. There are about 6 people (of our high school friends) in between us, and I'm the youngest. Does this dictate a pattern? Will I be the last to marry? Will I get married at all?

The other reason...I had it a second ago...I elaborated more than I was planning on the first one, and I forgot it. Forgive me, it could come back at any moment.

So, yeah, Kathryn's getting married. Wow.

I'm ready for my month of summer. Which, if you think about it, is sweet. My last final is May 7, and I move back up to Asheville for summer classes on June 3. So, I've got a little less than a month. I've got days to be lazy, hang out with some friends that come home for the summer, and then return to the grind. Then I go home for, like 5 days, and move back up for RA traning 10 days early, and August 18th is the first day of Fall semester.

In a way it's like I'm wishing away my time. But it doesn't really matter to me (wow, I say this, and up top I bitch about how much I'm going to miss college...GET IT TOGETHER).

But yeah. That's where I am.

And I'm no closer to sleep. Err.

Speaking of pictures from parties..These are just SOME of the people I could not live without.

Seriously?

I can't sleep. Again.

Last night I didn't get to sleep until 5:17 am.

Tonight, I've already watched all of my Sex and the City's, and I'm BORED.

I did read some old blogs, around the time of graduation and starting school at Surry. Interesting stuff. I'd REALLY like to think I've grown up a bit since then.

Tonight wasn't anything spectacular.

Since I didn't sleep any last night, I came back from class and slept for about two hours, went to Sonic with Randy and then went to see my friend Amanda Alvarez and give her her birthday present. 4 bottles of wine. She was VERY appreciative!

And that's it.

I register for classes in 3 hours, and if I get the ones I need for summer, I'll be in Asheville allllllll summer long.

I'm a little worried, and then a little not-so-worried.

I don't have a job lined up, but I don't HAVE to have one. It would just be nice to not dip into my savings for 3 months. But...I don't know what's going to happen.

More and more people, I'm slowly finding out, will be staying this summer, so that's nice. I'm anticipating LOTS of nights watching the Asheville Tourists (Asheville's equiviant of the Warthogs) play. And I'm TRYING to get my brother and Amber to come up and visit me.

Ohh, and the Brew and View. I'll be there, too.

Other than that.

Ok, to the real part...It's time to play "What's eating Courtney?"

I can't sleep, it's really starting to bother me (not, like, during the day, I can't get anything done, more like, WHY THE HELL CAN'T I SLEEP?).

I wish I knew what it was. But I wrote down and got out of my system what I thought it was (Phil) and I'm still not sleeping. Not that I should EVER really lose sleep on a guy...ugh...I'm not even going to get started.

I'm ready for sleep. I'm ready for summer. I'm ready for changes. I'm ready to be there.

When I figure out where "there" is, I'll letchaknow.

Long one, get ready.

I can't sleep.

Which really sucks, because I'm wearing my new nightgown.

I bought a nightgown, and it came today. I thought it would make me feel something.

It does. I feel very sweet and innocent in it. Very Charlotte. Charlotte as in Sex and the City, because since I haven't been able to sleep, I'm watching the 6th and final season (I JUST bought the last season...VERY EXCITED. I now have a new love. To replace my old one, perhaps?)

That's my mood.

I feel very summer-y.

It was a GOURGOUS day in Asheville, and I took a while to myself to enjoy it, aka, I skipped my Law class. Because I could, and because I made a 95.33 on my paper, and because I wanted to.

Now is the exact time I wish I didn't have a roommate. Not because she's a bitch, or anything. Just that I would like to have the lights on, and she amazingly is in bed before 2, and I'M trying to not wake HER up. This is weird, trust me.

And now, the time I have been dreading. I have to get this out. I have to write this down while it's fresh in my memory.

I went home this past weekend. I went home because Philip broke up with this girlfriend (ex-girlfreind? ex-ex-girlfreind? I'm not quite sure.)

Anyway, we'd been teasing/flirting, and I was really just looking for an excuse to see him.

So, I went home, Randy and I left Asheville after class, and got home around 3:30. I ran some errands with mom, I talked shop with dad. I saw the new couch thing they bought (it's kick ASS!), etc. Dad grilled out, I had a home cooked meal. It was nice.

Then Amber and Corey called and said they were coming to Mount Airy, and were going out with Will and Charity (very good freinds), and would I like to join them. "Sure." So I was off to Will and Charity's to eat (again).

I had messaged Caroline and Phil when I got into town. Just to plant the seed. Phil messaged me all night and dinner, and I was starting to get my hopes up after my second meal with Corey and Amber. Then, (I just really feel like saying TA-DA here) HE ACTUALLY MADE PLANS!

He's kind of flakey, our first "thing" (the only way to describe a 3 hour late-lunch the day after Christmas at East Coast Wings) took FOREVER to finally happen.

So, I was not-so-fresh from class, which made me kind of self concious, but I used some of Chartiy's make-up and was assured MULTIPLE times by my sister-in-law (she HAS to say nice things, right?) and Charity that I looked great. I set off for Chilis. And I was about the pee myself.

So, on the way there, I returned a call to Paula. It was more of a distraction from what was getting ready to happen. And I was magically (TA-DA) at Chili's about a nanosecond later.

I called when I got there, told him where I had parked (in the back, it was 10pm and the place was busting at the seams) in the dark. Ew.

So, we exchanged pleasantries, which means we exchanged basic sarcastic-assness, and he opened the door to the restaurant. (My inner monologue: Ohhh southern gentleman..?).

So, we were seated, he ordered, I got water. And we commenced. being sarcastic towards eachother, but with no hint of naughtyness, like our comversations from school had been like.

He tried to lure me in with his eyes, I told him I wasn't an "eye girl" and he didn't get that I was joking (yes, AWKWARD).

The whole time, while I had put my phone on vibrate because I CLEARLY thought this was a date and he did not, his phone was making noises, he was responding to texts, etc. I just checked my phone for the time.

So, we had been there about an hour. I thought it was going decent, kind of thought it would end soon. Then, someone CALLS, he PICKS UP THE PHONE, and without even looking at me, invites someone to our date. Well, my date, his "thing." I was crushed.

Then, she walked in. Wearing a tanktop, hoochie skirt. the whole 9. Again. Crushed.

She was nice enough. I have NO IDEA how they knew each other, and I was never properly introduced, but I finally learned her name was Serena, in between their bluetoothing (is that a real verb now?) ringtones back-and-forth.

So, Chelsey texts me though this, and I convince her to come save me. So, I, polietly, asked the two of them (who were sitting beside of eachother on the other side of the booth) if they would mind a friend dropping by. (Now that I think about it, it would have been great if I had gotten my HOTT friend Adam to come by, that would have taught him, but I didn't think about that until just now). They starred at me blankly, which I took as a "Nope, we don't care who comes by."

So, Chelsey got there, I introduced her, and then we went to the bathroom. I mean...of course we went to the bathroom.

So, I filled her in while we washed our hands, and then quickly mentioned I could use a trip to Wal-Mart to pick up a couple of things. Chelsey's translation: Let's get the fuck out of here asap.

I didn't want to get the fuck out of there ASAP. I was still teedering on the notion that this Serena and Chelsey could get lost, and Phil and I could return to MY date.

Didn't happen. Chelsey got restless (and to tell you the truth, bitchy) and said that she had kick-boxing at 8am, and needed to leave.

So, there I was. Alone on my side of the booth. Ugh.

At one point, we were all laughing at somehting, I and slid my feet out, and kocked Phil. But not meaning to, and he kind of was weird about it. Anyway.

Chelsey was gone, and I sat there another 20 minutes trying to be charming, while Phil was talking about going drinking somewhere, and trying to convince Serena to join him.

Check please.

So, I gathered my stuff, put on my soccer-mom sweater, and got up.

Only for them to follow me. Ugh.

So, awkwardly outside of Chilis, I told Serena it was nice to meet her, and Phil walked her to her car.

WTF? Anybody??

So, I was walking back to my car, at midnight, alone, in the dark. Southern gentleman, I think NOT.

And Phil just casually walks by, says something asshole, so I called him an ass. Didn't wait for me to get IN my car, and drives off.

So, I left, the other way, called Amber to vent, and then decided I still needed to go to Wal-Mart.

I knew he was going, but I DEF did not want to run into him. I was only there for a second, because I called Paula and Caroline and they needed a DD anyway. So, as I'm exiting to get my drunk-ass friends, he's in his car, outside of Wal-Mart's doors, talking to workers on their breaks.

Good freaking God.

So, I got directions, slowly at my car from some "sober" person at the party and left Wal-Mart.

I haven't heard from Phil since.


I was fianlly able to put into words my teory of the situation today to Paula. I know he want(ed) a girlfriend. I mean, he dated his ex AGAIN. He wants to date someone, but not me.

And that rejection cuts like a knife. And it sucks. I should really tell you about boy sometime. It's quite an interesting story, lemmetellya.

For now, however, I'd like that to ferment in your pretty little head, while I attempt to sleep in my sweet little nightgown.

Ohh, and this is my inner picture of myself. Maybe not the real "image" but if you've read the book (not seen the movie that, quite frankly, they butcherd, maybe you will understand it?)



For now, it's TA-TA, not TA-DA...maybe that'll happen again? Who knows.

ps, Kathryn, The Appalachians say hi!

pss, I didn't spellcheck, sorry.