"What is love? Great minds have ben grappling with this question through the ages, and in the modern era, they have come to many different answers. According to the Western philosopher Pat Benatar, love is a battlefield. Her paisan Frank Sinatra could add the corollary that love is a tender trap. The stoner kids who spent the summer of 1978 looking cool on the hoods of their Trans Ams in the Pierce Elementary School parking lot used to scare us little kids by blasting the Sweet hit "Love Is Like Oxygen"-- you get too much, you get too high, not enough and you're gonna die. The troubadours of our times all agree: They want to know what love is, and they want you to show them.
But the answer is simple. Love is a mix tape."
- Rob Sheffield, "love is a mix tape -- Life and Loss, One Song at a Time"
Sunday, December 21, 2008
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
I have just returned from the most amazing place I have ever seen in my entire life.
I have found a place where I can forget all of my troubles and cares. No, not downtown Asheville (but you can see it from there!).
The Cut, as it was referred to as to me, is the most amazing place I have ever experienced.
Anything I have been freaking out about. All of the things that have been worrying me these past few weeks lifted while I was there.
I am literally speechless. I just really needed to document this night because it was that amazing.
"May all your trails be crooked, winding, lonesome, dangerous, leading to the most amazing view where something strange and more beautiful and more full of wonder than your deepest dream awaits you." - Edward Abbey
I have found a place where I can forget all of my troubles and cares. No, not downtown Asheville (but you can see it from there!).
The Cut, as it was referred to as to me, is the most amazing place I have ever experienced.
Anything I have been freaking out about. All of the things that have been worrying me these past few weeks lifted while I was there.
I am literally speechless. I just really needed to document this night because it was that amazing.
"May all your trails be crooked, winding, lonesome, dangerous, leading to the most amazing view where something strange and more beautiful and more full of wonder than your deepest dream awaits you." - Edward Abbey
Monday, December 15, 2008
Originally written on 12/15/08...and I've waited a year...and nothing has changed. It's time to be posted.
The second coming of High Fidelity has arrived in the form of Rob Sheffield's "Love is a mix tape: Life and Loss, One Song at a Time.
The reason, well, not reason, but the thing that has aided me staying up for the past couple of days (and Narnia). Amazingness.
Other amazingness in my life? iTunes Genius. If I weren't so tired and lazy, I would find at least three posts where I bitch about the fact that iTunes doesn't have a conscience when playing my music, and how you cannot, I repeat, cannot play Death Cab for Cutie or Dashboard Confessional after Hanson's "Mmm bop." So, now there's this nifty iTunes Genius where I can, with one click, find my current mood song, and have iTunes magically make a 20-to-100 song playlist that I will hardly have to change. Another good part, I can click another time and find new music! And then click just once more and buy it! Amazingness, I tell you!
I got really sad today. No, it wasn't my grades/school this time. I was wrapping my friend Lindsay's Christmas gift, really sloppily and remembering how much time I used to put into wrapping gifts. Especially Randy's gift. I would package things up, put bows with curlies around everything (not to make them harder to open, but because it was pretty) and then I would get a huge box, and line it with tissue paper, and then I could place it all in perfectly, sprinkle candy around it, and then wrap the whole box. I used to love wrapping presents. I was so excited to see how it looked under the tree, and then his face.
I was sad because I remembered that this was going to be the first time I didn't get to put so much thought, time, and effort into a gift for someone I cared so much about. The first time I realized this, I was in Kohl's with Lindsay and I literally thought I would be sick. It hadn't hit me until just then, just before Thanksgiving that I wouldn't be shopping for a significant other this year.
I should probably wait for the rest of this post. But I am absolutely not tired, and Batman and Robin is on...so I'm not sleeping anytime soon.
I loved him. I loved him more than I loved anyone. Ever. It was my first love. (Yes, that cheesy "From the Bottom of my Broken Heart" Brittney Spears song did just pop in my head.) Then, it all fell apart. At the time, I was so sick of thinking and analyzing it, I was relieved when it ended. Not happy. Who is ever happy when that happens? Then I moved on to being content single. Then I moved on to being happy (this summer). Then I realized it was time to move on. That was hard. Even after we broke up we hung out some. Like it wasn't over. Except for the other girl, that is. And then this summer I finally had a crush on someone different. It caught me off guard. But I was ok with it. And then, maybe two weekends before Thanksgiving, I realized he wouldn't be at Thanksgiving, I wouldn't be at his. I wouldn't have anyone to go window shopping with, and remember the tiny things no one catches to get him. And, it's not really him now, it's "him." There is no call to wait for when I have to go to my parents house and be bored out of my mind. There's no one to really look forward to seeing. The summer thing ended quickly (He spoke, I realized he was just pretty to look at). Now, there's someone I like, and I'm figuring that situation out. But nothing compares to being smack in the middle of (I have to say it) love with someone. That comfort is completely gone. I have fantastic friends who attempt to make me feel better and cuddle with me, but they don't love me the way it's missing.
I made plans with Lindsay for New Year's Eve tonight. Sleeping really late, dinner at Doc Chey's, and bar hopping. This will be my first New Year with alcohol! We're inviting everyone who wants to come, but we know we can have a blast by ourselves.
Rob Sheffield pointed out a new makeout song, Prince's "Adorn." Of course, I youtubed it ASAP and fell in love. I love being introduced to new music.
I'm not gonna lie, I'm thinking of not posting this post. Earlier this week...security was compromised. In the best way possible, however.
"All of the words
In all of my life
That could never explain
and never describe
All of my love
Which is nothing to hide
So a lift up my hands
and I worship"
We all know I'm not churchy. But I love this song.
And this one:
The reason, well, not reason, but the thing that has aided me staying up for the past couple of days (and Narnia). Amazingness.
Other amazingness in my life? iTunes Genius. If I weren't so tired and lazy, I would find at least three posts where I bitch about the fact that iTunes doesn't have a conscience when playing my music, and how you cannot, I repeat, cannot play Death Cab for Cutie or Dashboard Confessional after Hanson's "Mmm bop." So, now there's this nifty iTunes Genius where I can, with one click, find my current mood song, and have iTunes magically make a 20-to-100 song playlist that I will hardly have to change. Another good part, I can click another time and find new music! And then click just once more and buy it! Amazingness, I tell you!
I got really sad today. No, it wasn't my grades/school this time. I was wrapping my friend Lindsay's Christmas gift, really sloppily and remembering how much time I used to put into wrapping gifts. Especially Randy's gift. I would package things up, put bows with curlies around everything (not to make them harder to open, but because it was pretty) and then I would get a huge box, and line it with tissue paper, and then I could place it all in perfectly, sprinkle candy around it, and then wrap the whole box. I used to love wrapping presents. I was so excited to see how it looked under the tree, and then his face.
I was sad because I remembered that this was going to be the first time I didn't get to put so much thought, time, and effort into a gift for someone I cared so much about. The first time I realized this, I was in Kohl's with Lindsay and I literally thought I would be sick. It hadn't hit me until just then, just before Thanksgiving that I wouldn't be shopping for a significant other this year.
I should probably wait for the rest of this post. But I am absolutely not tired, and Batman and Robin is on...so I'm not sleeping anytime soon.
I loved him. I loved him more than I loved anyone. Ever. It was my first love. (Yes, that cheesy "From the Bottom of my Broken Heart" Brittney Spears song did just pop in my head.) Then, it all fell apart. At the time, I was so sick of thinking and analyzing it, I was relieved when it ended. Not happy. Who is ever happy when that happens? Then I moved on to being content single. Then I moved on to being happy (this summer). Then I realized it was time to move on. That was hard. Even after we broke up we hung out some. Like it wasn't over. Except for the other girl, that is. And then this summer I finally had a crush on someone different. It caught me off guard. But I was ok with it. And then, maybe two weekends before Thanksgiving, I realized he wouldn't be at Thanksgiving, I wouldn't be at his. I wouldn't have anyone to go window shopping with, and remember the tiny things no one catches to get him. And, it's not really him now, it's "him." There is no call to wait for when I have to go to my parents house and be bored out of my mind. There's no one to really look forward to seeing. The summer thing ended quickly (He spoke, I realized he was just pretty to look at). Now, there's someone I like, and I'm figuring that situation out. But nothing compares to being smack in the middle of (I have to say it) love with someone. That comfort is completely gone. I have fantastic friends who attempt to make me feel better and cuddle with me, but they don't love me the way it's missing.
I made plans with Lindsay for New Year's Eve tonight. Sleeping really late, dinner at Doc Chey's, and bar hopping. This will be my first New Year with alcohol! We're inviting everyone who wants to come, but we know we can have a blast by ourselves.
Rob Sheffield pointed out a new makeout song, Prince's "Adorn." Of course, I youtubed it ASAP and fell in love. I love being introduced to new music.
I'm not gonna lie, I'm thinking of not posting this post. Earlier this week...security was compromised. In the best way possible, however.
"All of the words
In all of my life
That could never explain
and never describe
All of my love
Which is nothing to hide
So a lift up my hands
and I worship"
We all know I'm not churchy. But I love this song.
And this one:
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
It is time.
It's the end of the semester. The last day of class was yesterday. I'm busier than I have ever been in my whole life. And, of course, I don't have time for the mental breakdown I feel I deserve.
So, my rant.
This has been the worst semester of my college career. Really, of my entire academic career, but grade school doesn't really count anymore.
I still hate accounting with a passion. And my grade will certainly reflect that. I went to class every day (only missing three days at the end because we weren't doing anything and I knew I wasn't going to pass anyway). I tried. But not hard enough. I'll be a three-peat in accounting two. I suck at life.
I hated research methods (the class I'm trying to finish my final paper in right now..writer's block. err). It was boring. Has nothing to do with management. Dr. Griggs talked me into taking it and then she left.
I had my most favoritest teacher for Human Resource Management thinking that even the most boring subject could be livened up by Dr. Cole. Wrong. Don't get me wrong. He's still the man. It's just impossible to make hiring and firing people interesting. He gave it a valiant effort, though.
Statistical Quaility Control. I withdrew from. The name is as intemidating as it sounds.
When I withdrew from that class. I added a second term class, which started in the middle of the semester. It ended up getting dropped and then I was placed in a chemistry class. Um. Yeah. I went twice...maybe three times? I'm getting an F in that class.
I'm getting a D in accounting if I'm even lucky. Dr. Cole's class...maybe a C? And maybe I can pull off a C in research methods. I know. I really suck at life.
Wanna hear the worst part?
I have to keep a 2.0 to first, stay in school, second keep my job. If I go on academic suspension, I lose my job...and I have no way of paying for my car...or my credit cards which are ridiculous. I'm basically FREAKING OUT.
I LOVE my job as an RA, and I might get that taken away from me. And my car? How am I going to pay for it?
I don't know what to do. And I SHOULD be working really hard on my research paper so I can do well in that class, but I'm having trouble with a big part of it. Which, just goes to show, start big gigantic papers early so you can ask questions because 24 hours before it's due...it's kinda hard to get those things cleared up.
Then, of course, there's the love life. Lack thereof, I should say. LOTS of mixed signals and wishes that go unfulfilled.
I want this semester to be over, but I have huge gigantic paper, Dr. Cole's final, and my accounting final to fail before it is. Then, I have to wait four more days to find out if I can still be an RA and live in my room and on campus and still be in school.
I can't write anymore now. My head hurts.
Next semester (if I can make it until then) will be better. Things can only go up from here, right?
So, my rant.
This has been the worst semester of my college career. Really, of my entire academic career, but grade school doesn't really count anymore.
I still hate accounting with a passion. And my grade will certainly reflect that. I went to class every day (only missing three days at the end because we weren't doing anything and I knew I wasn't going to pass anyway). I tried. But not hard enough. I'll be a three-peat in accounting two. I suck at life.
I hated research methods (the class I'm trying to finish my final paper in right now..writer's block. err). It was boring. Has nothing to do with management. Dr. Griggs talked me into taking it and then she left.
I had my most favoritest teacher for Human Resource Management thinking that even the most boring subject could be livened up by Dr. Cole. Wrong. Don't get me wrong. He's still the man. It's just impossible to make hiring and firing people interesting. He gave it a valiant effort, though.
Statistical Quaility Control. I withdrew from. The name is as intemidating as it sounds.
When I withdrew from that class. I added a second term class, which started in the middle of the semester. It ended up getting dropped and then I was placed in a chemistry class. Um. Yeah. I went twice...maybe three times? I'm getting an F in that class.
I'm getting a D in accounting if I'm even lucky. Dr. Cole's class...maybe a C? And maybe I can pull off a C in research methods. I know. I really suck at life.
Wanna hear the worst part?
I have to keep a 2.0 to first, stay in school, second keep my job. If I go on academic suspension, I lose my job...and I have no way of paying for my car...or my credit cards which are ridiculous. I'm basically FREAKING OUT.
I LOVE my job as an RA, and I might get that taken away from me. And my car? How am I going to pay for it?
I don't know what to do. And I SHOULD be working really hard on my research paper so I can do well in that class, but I'm having trouble with a big part of it. Which, just goes to show, start big gigantic papers early so you can ask questions because 24 hours before it's due...it's kinda hard to get those things cleared up.
Then, of course, there's the love life. Lack thereof, I should say. LOTS of mixed signals and wishes that go unfulfilled.
I want this semester to be over, but I have huge gigantic paper, Dr. Cole's final, and my accounting final to fail before it is. Then, I have to wait four more days to find out if I can still be an RA and live in my room and on campus and still be in school.
I can't write anymore now. My head hurts.
Next semester (if I can make it until then) will be better. Things can only go up from here, right?
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