Have you ever heard them referred to as "The dog days of summer"?
I can't remember what book that is from, but I remember reading it in the fourth grade ...
Anyway, a Sunday..
It wasn't too bad. After I posted last night, I got into bed and fell asleep.
I got up this morning around 10, and took a shower, got dressed, went and put gas in a car, got some water and met my family at my grandmother's house, for brunch.
It wasn't so bad. The only thing that REALLY got to me was my douche of an uncle, Buddy. I can't really remember how the conversation got started, but he and my grandmother, grandfather, asshole, daddy and my aunt started talking about the word "nigger".
Now, if you know me, you know that I don't like that word and there they were for a good 20 minutes or so .. Throwing it around. They said stuff like "well they call each other nigger, why do they get mad if we call them that?" OMGsh people... You have a name... Would you like some Chinese person calling you "Caucasian"? I don't think so... I read Huck Funn, and I have heard enough about that word, STOP IT! So finnaly, I half way broke up the conversation telling grandmother to open her present.
After brunch, I came home and fell asleep. I got up at 9 pm, and went and got some dinner, and then worked on my English paper, and started some laundry.
That's about it ... I'll post later!

"High school is 90% Expirementaion, 8% Partying, and 2% class..." - "Smith"
How the hell ya doin'?
OK First off I gotta give some shout outs!
Emma.... thanks for leaving my that IM, it makes me feel better that I'm not the only one who feels like this .... thanks for bein' there Emms!!! Love ya!
PEE PEE .... Thanks for ALWAYS being there when I need a 'moniter' to cry on! You ALWAYS make me feel better, and you know JUST what to say!! And I'll keep you updated on "THE BAKERY"!!!! Love you bunches!! :-* !!!!!


OK so yeah ... this week is FINNALY over, and there are 15 more school days left!! YAY!!! I am SO glad it's almost over... I can't take too much more of it!
So anyways... I'm pretty sure I didn't post last night, infact I'm not sure when my last post was, but I'm too lazy to look it up, so I'll start from Friday.
School was school. Boring, long, miserable but I made it through and after school I went out in the vert, I just needed to clear my head, ya know? So i just drove around for abour 30 minutes, and came home and talked to Chase and Jamod for a little while, and I was going to the Elkin game with Sadie, but I didn't really feel like it, and niether did she. So, I stayed home and watched The Italian Job and Live from Baghdad ... two great movies. The Itailan job ... good because it's got a funny def guy and MARK WALBURG!!! Live from Baghdad ... just a kick ass movie!!!
Today, I got up around 10 am, and just kinda chilled. I was sctually sitting on my bed at 12:54, and I thought I could go play tennis and just get some shit out of my head. So I jumped in the shower and got my shit and left for the tennis couts at MAHS. Well, I got down there and the guys tennis team was playing and I saw all these at the baseball field. I had forgotten that Surry Pride try-outs were today.... But I went back a little while later and the tennis team was gone, so I got my stuff out and started hitting, and up comes Sadie! We were supposed to go up on the mountain, but she never called so i left. Well she wanted to go up there then, so I said OK but I had only been out there like 20 minutes, so we hit a few balls and went back to our houses to get our crap, and get ready to go to the parkway.
Well ... it took a while to get out of town just because we had some errands to run, then we went up on the moutain ... fun times. We went to Mabry Mill and then we went to Lover's Leap.... it was FUN!
When we got back in town, I got home and noticed that I was red as a beet. You could even tell on my face where my sun glasses were ... and still can.... :(
Anyway, I was home and I fell asleep and then when I woke up (around 10) I went to Micky Dee's and got something to eat, and came home and Olga, Christina, and Jennifer were over here and so we hung out then Christina and I went to Barrett Hinson's house.
Barrett's house was fun, we all sat in the living room, and it was Barrett, his mon Kim, and his dad Keith, Ben Davis, Sid Davis (he came later), Cathrine Poole, Ashley Lewis, Katie Marsh, Tara Thaker, Amelia Cockerham (she came and went), Josh Caudle, Whitney Large, Britney Lee and me and Christina....
It was fun, the guys did these shots. They poured half a red bull into a big shot glass and put this German liquor (it's pronounced Yagermister) into a smaller shot glass, droped the small glass into the big one, and chugged it. It smelled nasty ... and I'm sure it tasted even worse. Then we all just sat around and talked, and Barrett and I talked about how I needed to enjoy my last year of high school, because he said it sucks when you leave (if you ask me, it sucks now). But we just hugged good byee and he told me to come back next weekend .. that he'd probably have another little get together.
But anyway, I came back home and Chase was in the basement, and we watched like 30 minutes of G.I. Jane, and then mom and dad, asshole, and Chase went to Steak 'n' Egg ... I would have gone but fucking asshole was going ...
BTW: Fucking Asshole, Asshole, M. Fucker, Fucker and Buttmunch is my brother, Corey "FUCKING ASSHOLE" Hunter Council ... just to let ya know.
Well It's been real but it's late ... or early ... depends on how you look at it... not spell checkin' this one ...

"Somethings missing
And I don't know how to fix it
Something's missing
And I son't know what it is
At all" - Something's missing - John Mayer

I really have been trying to see myself as the "beautiful" girl that everyone tells me that I am. Not to sound conceeded, I really am trying to hold my head up a little higher, and try to feel special but after 16 years of trying to stay under the radar, I'm afraid old habits are gonna die, hard.
I really have tried to see myself as "pretty" but I just don't see it. When I look in the mirror I see *****SPONTANEOUS COMBUSTION*****, I just see two eyes, a nose and a mouth, with over sized lips. I don't see a pretty person like Ash, or Sadie....
Something IS missing, and I think I know how to fix it. It seems that everything is going good in my life. I'm a junior, I have my license, I have GREAT friends, I have a nice home, and a nice family (excluding my ASSHOLE brother).... what more can I ask for, right? What else do I need, I can be considered SOOO lucky compared to other people less fortunate than I am... But I feel that there is a piece of me that isn't all there. It feels like I just need one thing to really fell complete... a person to share my wonderful life with.
Now, Maybe I am wrong, maybe I am just where I am supposed to be, and everything that is in my life is supposed to be there... but I don't know ... feedback .... sure....

"At My Most Beautiful" REM

I've found a way to make you smile
I've found a way
A way to make you smile

I read bad poetry
Into your machine.
I save your messages
Just to hear your voice.
You always listen carefully
To awkward rhymes.
You always say your name,
Like I wouldn't know it's you,
At your most beautiful.

I've found a way to make you smile
I've found a way
A way to make you smile

At my most beautiful
I count your eyelashes, secretly.
With every one, whisper I love you.
I let you sleep.
I know you're closed eye watching me,
Listening.
I though I saw a smile.

I've found a way to make you smile
I've found a way
A way to make you smile



"I can't be sure that tis state of mind
Is not of my own design
I wish there was an over-the-counter test
for loneliness like this" - John Mayer

"Somethings missing
And I don't know how to fix it
Something's missing
And I don't know what it is
At all" - Something's missing - John Mayer

I really have been trying to see myself as the "beautiful" girl that everyone tells me that I am. Not to sound conceeded, I really am trying to hold my head up a little higher, and try to feel special but after 16 years of trying to stay under the radar, I'm afraid old habits are gonna die, hard.
I really have tried to see myself as "pretty" but I just don't see it. When I look in the mirror I see *****SPONTANEOUS COMBUSTION*****, I just see two eyes, a nose and a mouth, with over sized lips. I don't see a pretty person like Ash, or Sadie....
Something IS missing, and I think I know how to fix it. It seems that everything is going good in my life. I'm a junior, I have my license, I have GREAT friends, I have a nice home, and a nice family (excluding my ASSHOLE brother).... what more can I ask for, right? What else do I need, I can be considered SOOO lucky compared to other people less fortunate than I am... But I feel that there is a piece of me that isn't all there. It feels like I just need one thing to really fell complete... a person to share my wonderful life with.
Now, Maybe I am wrong, maybe I am just where I am supposed to be, and everything that is in my life is supposed to be there... but I don't know ... feedback .... sure....

"At My Most Beautiful" REM

I've found a way to make you smile
I've found a way
A way to make you smile

I read bad poetry
Into your machine.
I save your messages
Just to hear your voice.
You always listen carefully
To awkward rhymes.
You always say your name,
Like I wouldn't know it's you,
At your most beautiful.

I've found a way to make you smile
I've found a way
A way to make you smile

At my most beautiful
I count your eyelashes, secretly.
With every one, whisper I love you.
I let you sleep.
I know you're closed eye watching me,
Listening.
I though I saw a smile.

I've found a way to make you smile
I've found a way
A way to make you smile



"I can't be sure that this state of mind
Is not of my own design
I wish there was an over-the-counter test
for loneliness like this" - John Mayer

ERRRR ARRRGGG OHHHHHHHH
OK, I just needed to do that.
School is ALMOST over. 19 days until we're OUTTA THERE! I wish it was for good, but at the same time, I'm terrified about that the fuck I am supposed to do with the rest of my life.
I was talking to Ash tonight about how I wanted a boyfriend. Just someone to hang out with (and MAKE out with). Do you know what I would give just to have a guy that I liked, like me back.... You know. Come over at watch TV, or go to the movies, or just have someone to talk to, and not feel so left out when all of my friends are talking about their guys (or Sadie's MANY fellas). Ash, forgive me, but sometimes I'm envious of Bessy. At least she has someone... Even if.... well... you know.
I started talking to a friend of mine from ES tonight, we had kinda gotten in a semi-fight last night. He has the ability to make me feel better, but I'm never really sure if it's sincere, because, well .... I don't literally know him. It's complicated ... Just like the rest of my life.
We started talking about him going camping this summer, and all of a sudden we were in a conversation about what we were going to do after high school, and college. And whether or not we were going to have kids, or get married, or live here.
I started crying. I felt it coming yesterday when I was on the phone with Paula and got some disturbing news. And still I felt it coming this afternoon when I was at Sadie's house when she was sitting on Bobby's lap... It just made me feel bad... ya know?
I started crying because this friend has a semi-plan for his life. Well... He knows what he wants to do for the rest of his life. If I even had an inkling I'd be happy. But NO, I'm still on the triple 9 train (undecided).
It was just one of those times when you needed to get it all out. For me, it's been coming for a while, but it came to a head tonight. But I'm glad I talked to him.... But it's till just so confusing.
I want this person to talk to and to hang out with, but I don't know who it is. I want it to be him, but at the same time, he is such a good person to talk to, and he's "talking" to this other girl and that just doesn't make me feel much better. I don't know if I want it to be him, or a person just like him. A nice country boy who can, at times, be an ass, but the next minute can make me feel better (at the absence of Ash).
I wish I had the confidence to go out to him and introduce myself. I wish I could be like Ashley, or Sara. They just can go balls out and get what they want, and I'm the little wallflower, afraid to move, or speak, afraid I will say the wrong thing and screw it up. But at the same time, not knowing if I am strong enough to do it, even if I did have all the confidence in the world.
OK people you've got 8 months 'til Christmas ... And at the top of my list is a few billion jars of self-confidence.... If you tell me where to get it, I'll be there.
A few song quotes I've been dwelling on...

"Sweet like candy to my soul, a sweet you rock, sweet you roll" - Dave Matthews Band

"I wish there was an over the counter test, for loneliness" - John Mayer

"The same black line that was drawn on you, was drawn on me, and now it's drawin' me in" - The Wallflowers

"I just want you to know. I've found a reason for me. To change who I used to be. A reason to start over new... And the reason is you" - Hoobastank

And the full song "Mona Lisa" by Guster .... I hope you appreciate it...

If in the morning you look up
Fake a smile and you sigh
DonÂ’t fear the future
In the years to come youÂ’ll learn, you'll learn
I used to sit and watch the pouring rain
I used to wish to be back home again
I hadnÂ’t the strength then
I hadnÂ’t the chance to reveal it
But itÂ’s all in your hands
When do we begin?
Although youÂ’re so sad
Discover things never had
It makes you wonder
A life alone youÂ’ll learn, you'll learn,
YouÂ’ll learn
When do we begin?

ERRRR ARRRGGG OHHHHHHHH
OK, I just needed to do that.
School is ALMOST over. 19 days until we're OUTTA THERE! I wish it was for good, but at the same time, I'm terrified about that the fuck I am supposed to do with the rest of my life.
I was talking to Ash tonight about how I wanted a boyfriend. Just someone to hang out with (and MAKE out with). Do you know what I would give just to have a guy that I liked, like me back.... You know. Come over at watch TV, or go to the movies, or just have someone to talk to, and not feel so left out when all of my friends are talking about their guys (or Sadie's MANY fellas). Ash, forgive me, but sometimes I'm envious of Bessy. At least she has someone... Even if.... well... you know.
I started talking to a friend of mine from ES tonight, we had kinda gotten in a semi-fight last night. He has the ability to make me feel better, but I'm never really sure if it's sincere, because, well .... I don't literally know him. It's complicated ... Just like the rest of my life.
We started talking about him going camping this summer, and all of a sudden we were in a conversation about what we were going to do after high school, and college. And whether or not we were going to have kids, or get married, or live here.
I started crying. I felt it coming yesterday when I was on the phone with Paula and got some disturbing news. And still I felt it coming this afternoon when I was at Sadie's house when she was sitting on Bobby's lap... It just made me feel bad... ya know?
I started crying because this friend has a semi-plan for his life. Well... He knows what he wants to do for the rest of his life. If I even had an inkling I'd be happy. But NO, I'm still on the triple 9 train (undecided).
It was just one of those times when you needed to get it all out. For me, it's been coming for a while, but it came to a head tonight. But I'm glad I talked to him.... But it's till just so confusing.
I want this person to talk to and to hang out with, but I don't know who it is. I want it to be him, but at the same time, he is such a good person to talk to, and he's "talking" to this other girl and that just doesn't make me feel much better. I don't know if I want it to be him, or a person just like him. A nice country boy who can, at times, be an ass, but the next minute can make me feel better (at the absence of Ash).
I wish I had the confidence to go out to him and introduce myself. I wish I could be like Ashley, or Sara. They just can go balls out and get what they want, and I'm the little wallflower, afraid to move, or speak, afraid I will say the wrong thing and screw it up. But at the same time, not knowing if I am strong enough to do it, even if I did have all the confidence in the world.
OK people you've got 8 months 'til Christmas ... And at the top of my list is a few billion jars of self-confidence.... If you tell me where to get it, I'll be there.
A few song quotes I've been dwelling on...

"Sweet like candy to my soul, a sweet you rock, sweet you roll" - Dave Matthews Band

"I wish there was an over the counter test, for loneliness" - John Mayer

"The same black line that was drawn on you, was drawn on me, and now it's drawin' me in" - The Wallflowers

"I just want you to know. I've found a reason for me. To change who I used to be. A reason to start over new... And the reason is you" - Hoobastank

And the full song "Mona Lisa" by Guster .... I hope you appreciate it...

If in the morning you look up
Fake a smile and you sigh
DonÂ’t fear the future
In the years to come youÂ’ll learn, you'll learn
I used to sit and watch the pouring rain
I used to wish to be back home again
I hadnÂ’t the strength then
I hadnÂ’t the chance to reveal it
But itÂ’s all in your hands
When do we begin?
Although youÂ’re so sad
Discover things never had
It makes you wonder
A life alone youÂ’ll learn, you'll learn,
YouÂ’ll learn
When do we begin?

Footnote...
I realized today that I am in love, with being in love. I pine for the one day that I might have the chance to share a special moment with a guy that I like and enjoy spending time with.
Have you ever seen the movie The Other Sister? Every time I watch that movie, I think to myself, "These two retards can do it.... What the fuck is wrong with me?"
Every time I see two people kiss, whether it be on the movies or in real life, my heart shrivels up a little bit. Lately, hanging around Carrie and Tyler it's been going fast. One day in the not-so-far away near future, it's gonna be a friggin' prune. All I will need is an old person to eat me for breakfast ... And my life will be over... Helping this poor bastard stay regular...
And so goes the story of my life ...

A Mid Summer Night's Dream - PROM 2004
Ahh... What a night! It was really fun...
OK first I have to say that although I have been winning about talking about Prom for the last like ... YEAR but last night really was awesome! We had a lot of fun!
OK so first, I had to take the SAT which SUCKED! Not JUST because it was on Prom day, but because I thought it was kinda hard (The verbal wasn't really .. But the Math ... DAMN!). During the SAT, me and Preston semi-talked back and forth. There were only three MA people in there. There were like four or five ES people and a shit load of Elkin people :( ... And they say MA people are hicks ...
During the SAT, first, we sat down and Mrs. Best read all the shit she had to read, and we were about 10 minutes into the first section when I hear the tune of Tom Jones' "It's not unusual". OMGsh .. There was this carnival or something thing in Verterans Park ... OMGsh, then this Tom Jones impersonation started singing it. EVERYONE in the room busted out laughing... It was hilarious!!! So, of course, I had that stuck in my head the rest of the time (And a vision of Carlton dancing... FRESH PRINCE OF BEL AIR PEOPLE!!!).
So after that, we were sitting there and we had just taken our first break, and all of a sudden, I saw Preston (who was sitting beside me, by the way) out of the corner of my eye, look up and I heard him say "Fuck", real low. I looked at him, and the was looking out side, at the POURING rain. Damn rain. So I just knew that our day was gonna be crazy, because everyone I was going to Prom with had to come up with a back-up plan of how do deal with pictures.
After the SAT, I waited on Sadie to get out of the SAT and she had to go get her HAIR DID, and so she said "Hi" and "Byee" and was gone in like 2 minutes. So I called Paula, then went over to Paula's house to talk about what we were going to do, and we didn't really get anything accomplished. So I came home, around 1:30 and ate dinner and waited on my hair and make-up girl to show up.
Heather, who did my hair and make up, was SUPPOSED to be here at 2 ... at 2:45 she shows up. I had to be at Bobby's house at 3:30 to take pictures. And I didn't leave to go to Bobby's house 'till 4. I was trying SOOO hard to hint to her to HURRY THE FUCK UP, but she just didn't get it! But I got to Bobby's and we took pictures and went to Grace Moravian to take pictures because that's where we FINALLY decided to take pictures.
Well, we all met to take pictures at 4:30 .. And dinner reservations weren't 'til 7, so we all came back to my house and chilled, and got all of our last little things and then we just got ready and left.
It was me, Bobby, Tyler and Carrie in Carrie's dad's jeep, and Sadie, her date Corey, and Caroline and Christian in Sadie's dad's Tahoe, and Paula and Zack in Zack's car. We all got to the Depot fine, and we took pictures and hung out then we went to sit down and order.
Well, as soon as we all got settled, every girl had to go to the bathroom. So we all went to the bathroom and had to hold each others dresses up and then went back to the table, took pics, and just talked.
I'm not sure when we left dinner to come back to MA for Prom, but it was around 8:30. We all piled into our cars and headed back to CCCC. We got there and took pictures and talked, and then they played some slow songs and Bobby and I danced. Then Corey and I danced, and it was fun! They played like three sets of slow songs, and they were 4 songs long, so we just talked and tried to talk to everyone and take pictures.
It weirdest part of the whole night was it went by so fast! I mean, one minute we were eating dinner, and the next they were announcing the last song.
The other weird part was being with Bobby. The whole "Sara" thing kinda complicated things, with the guys always seeming to make it weird. But, Bobby was great, and it was so odd having to like hold his hand when we did pictures or posing together, and dancing together real close. Ahh a wonderful night!
When it was over, Bobby and the rest of the people came back to my house and we chilled. He had to go home at 1:30, so I took him and I walked him to the door and we hugged, and said goodbyee. I got back to the house and everyone asked me if I kissed him ... um .. NO! And when Sara asked me I was like WFT^^?! I thought you liked him???!?!?!?
ERR, anyway... It's weird looking back, because I was happy Bobby went with me, and we had fun, but when we had to dance together I could see him pinning (I think) after Sara, and he kinda knew I wasn't really thinking of him either, (well .. not like THAT) but us walking around together and all .. it was confusing because I don't like Bobby like that, but I realized how nice it would be to have someone that I did like like that, and how much fun we could have together ... no such luck ... **ONLY IN MY DREAMS** (haha, Mid Summer's nights dream ... and my dream ...), right Ash?
So, I'll stop going on and on ... Just wanted to fill you in on the night's festivities ...
And Ash ... thanks again for helpin' me out ... I just wish you could have been there, too!!! Love you!!
And to all of my friends, who I went to Prom with... Had a BLAST!!!! Love all y'all!!!!

AHHHHH I think I have survived my first Identity Crisis...
FIRST OFF... I have to thank Ash for helping me tonight ... Maybe one day I'll be over this and be normal ... But at least I don't have to pass my bad traits to my children!!!
OK so I know there's been a lack of posting... Oopsy Daisy! I don't even know when the last time i posted was, So I'm just gonna start from yesterday (Thursday).
OK so at school Thursday ... Spanish was fun. We brought in pictures of us all though our life, and made a poster with 10 things about us in Spanish... PLUS we got out of that class early because we had an assembly.
We went the English and almost immidately went to the auditorim for the assembly. It was the SADD program. I had already heard the speaker before, and his story so I just kinda mellowed out. When it was over, we just went back to English and went up to the library to "work on our reasearch papers" ... which means that Carrie and I copied a few pages from the WORLD BOOK and sat in talking for a good hour. I had to hear someone's physics lesson to get over an hour of Carrie though ... LOL
Ahh .. after English we went to lunch and signed the "Safe-n-sober" thing . got a cool t-shirt .. it's gonna be a GREAT sleep t-shirt!!
Then after lunch we went to Earth Science. We had started Finding Forrester on WED, and Ash was back today .. so the FLIES had to back off a bit. We joked and laughed all the way though it!!!!
Journalism was OK ... we just kinda hung out and went to Eckerd.
OK so here comes today. I didn't go to school. Who said "Senior Skip Day" applied souly to Seniors? So I met Sadie and Paula at Hardee's for breakfast, then I came home and worked on cleaning my room ... I have blue carpet.. did you know that? I did today!!!
So when I was brored (which was twice today) and I had to go out and like get my Prom flowers and then again to Wal-Mart *** side story ... I went to Wal-Mart to get a bag, some rubber cement, and something else. I got to the register ... and the lady asked me if I was 18 when she was trying to ring up the rubber cement. Did you know that Wal-Mart won't sell you rubber cement or paint unless your 18? yeah .. like i was gonna come home and get high sniffing rubber cement... *** Ok so I went to Pilot Mtn. today .. TWICE. It's bad when you live in a little town like Mayberry... and you have to go to the next town over that's smaller than your town, and only like 8 miles away ... to have something to do. But NOOO I'm even MORE pathedic than that ... I just drove down, got on main street, went to the end, took the other road back, and got back on the high way and came back to MA .. that's bad, huh?
It's so weird that while I'm writing this I'm talking to Mikel Snow ... I guy I used to go to school with, but now I don't and who is now dating one of my best friends, and most mentioned person on my Blog .. Ash. Now it's not weird that I'm talking to him because Ash didn't want me to or something (yeah I'd be smart .. she only reads this thing EVERY CHANCE SHE GETS) but it's weird because i havn't talked to him in SOOO long.
Ok so .. yeah ...
Tomorrow's the BIG DAY .. no .. i'm not getting married "AS IF, this is California .. not Kentucky, and I'm only 16 (Clueless)". It is the day of the illusive PROM. On top of being nervous about all that shiz niz, i have SAT bright and early at 8 am. AND on top of THAT (Ash I gotta mention it) a "friend" (if you can call it a friend) will be there and I don't want him to be **long story .. don't have the space, time or energy**.
OK so after a little venting session with Ash .. I feel tons better .. Now I'm going to sleep so that I can get a PERFECT SCORE on the SAT.... byees
**not spell checkin' this one...**