I love how I'm finally starting to value my education.
"Value" isn't the right word...I'm starting to understand an appreciate my education more.
It used to take longer for studies to click with the real world...like, two years for something to pop up and help me appreciate things that I've recently learned.
Is it because professors are getting with the times and teaching in the language of pop culture references (my favorite) or am I finally learning better?
I've loved winter break, but I'm sad that I'm too busy to do anything with fun people because I put off all of my obligations until now and I have to go back to school on Thursday.
At least I'll be back in Asheville. Because I hate home more than ever.
Monday, December 28, 2009
Saturday, December 26, 2009
The best way to describe my mood for the past few months.
I miss you
I miss being overwhelmed by you
And I need rescue
I think I'm fading away
But I keep thinking that you'll wake me up with a whisper in my ear
I keep hoping that you'll sneak in my room
So I wait and I wait
And I run old scenes through my tired head
Of the days we laid by the school and said forever
Was that the best I'll ever be
I miss you
I miss talking all night long with you
And I need this to find a way to your home
My love can you hear me
Have I been hoping loud enough, wishing hard enough
Can you see me when I'm asleep all alone - alone
So I wait and I wait
And I run myself in the same old circles
I sit and I stare
And I run old scenes through my tired head
Of the days that we laid by the school and said forever
Was that the best I'll ever be
Can't keep my hands from shaking
Stumbling through the wreckage again
But you're gone
So I wait and I wait
And I run myself in the same old circles
And I sit and I stare
And I run old scenes through my tired head
Of the days that we laid on our backs and said forever
Was that the best I'll ever be
Was that the best I'll ever be
Was that the best I'll ever be
- Best I'll Ever Be - Sister Hazel
I miss being overwhelmed by you
And I need rescue
I think I'm fading away
But I keep thinking that you'll wake me up with a whisper in my ear
I keep hoping that you'll sneak in my room
So I wait and I wait
And I run old scenes through my tired head
Of the days we laid by the school and said forever
Was that the best I'll ever be
I miss you
I miss talking all night long with you
And I need this to find a way to your home
My love can you hear me
Have I been hoping loud enough, wishing hard enough
Can you see me when I'm asleep all alone - alone
So I wait and I wait
And I run myself in the same old circles
I sit and I stare
And I run old scenes through my tired head
Of the days that we laid by the school and said forever
Was that the best I'll ever be
Can't keep my hands from shaking
Stumbling through the wreckage again
But you're gone
So I wait and I wait
And I run myself in the same old circles
And I sit and I stare
And I run old scenes through my tired head
Of the days that we laid on our backs and said forever
Was that the best I'll ever be
Was that the best I'll ever be
Was that the best I'll ever be
- Best I'll Ever Be - Sister Hazel
Friday, December 25, 2009
So, this is Christmas.
Hi your name is?
- Courtney "CoCo" Lynn Council
You see your ex and he/she tells you they miss you and you say?
- "I MISS YOU TOO!"
Have you ever kissed underneath the stars at night?
- Si
What's up with you and your number 1?
- She was my really good friend in high school/college and then I moved away and we lost touch.
What are you supposed to be doing right now?
- being a functional member of society?
The last person you kissed calls you, what are they calling for?
- to annoy the piss out of me.
Do you have any bruises?
- One behind my knee because I'm clumsy and stabbed myself with a heel the other night. Ouch.
Have you kissed one person more than 10 times in 2009?
- No. fml.
Have you ever had a best friend of the opposite sex?
- Yes, and I miss him.
Have you been kissed by someone whose name started with a S?
- Yes. His first name started with an "S."
Where is your number 1 on your top?
- Who knows...having fun somewhere?
Do you have anything from your ex in your room? If so, what?
- Books, clothes, tickets, pictures...a lot.
Do you think anyone has feelings for you?
- Doubt it.
Who was the last person of the opposite sex you had a conversation with?
- James?
Do you think your last ex deserves to die?
- No.
If someone cheated on you, would you take them back if you really loved them?
- Randy, yes. The other ones? Helllll no.
Are you happy with the way things are going?
- School, finally yes! Sorority, could not be happier with. RA, I love my job, the staff and all of my residents. Everything else? nope.
Are you wearing jeans, shorts, sweatpants, or pajama pants?
- PJs
Do you believe teenagers can be in love and stay in love?
- YES.
What were you doing at 2am last night?
- Watching tv and not being able to sleep.
Would you go in public looking like you do right now?
- Yes.
Let's test your memory, what were you doing at this moment a year ago?
- Riding in my car with a boy.
Do you always answer your phone?
-No.
Do you like the snow?
-Only if it gets me out of school.
Who is the last person you got a text from?
-Kylee Rose
Are you waiting for anything?
-My real life to begin.
Do you think that crying is a form of weakness?
- No, I think it is a form of relief.
Have you ever found someone you really, really, really liked?
-YES.
What's been different this year?
- Everything and nothing at the same time.
Do you look older than you are?
- Goodness I hope not.
Have you ever wished on a shooting star?
- Yes.
Did you have any unread text messages when you woke up today?
- 89234758934758293475 because it's Christmas.
Do you think about the past?
- Sometimes, more recently though.
Last night you felt?
- Restless.
Do you want to see somebody right now?
- YES PLEASE.
When's the last time you cried?
- Two nights ago.
What is in your backpack right now?
-AXiD binder, Ritual stuff, RA binder, and movies.
Would you rather sing or dance in front of 1,000 people?
- Sing!
Would it be more likely of you to fail Science or Math?
-Both epically.
Kill the spider or let it out?
- Stomp on it.
Are you short?
- nah
Last people you rode in a car with?
- mi hermano
Are you nice to everyone?
- I try to be. Sometimes it doesn't always work out that way..
Do you think you will have the same best friend a year from now?
- I hope so.
You've taken fifteen shots of vodka, what are you doing?
- Drunk stumbling down Broadway Avenue with my sisters.
Can you open a soda can with a body part other than your hands?
- Negative.
Do you have any empty alcohol bottles hidden in your room and where?
- Probably.
- Courtney "CoCo" Lynn Council
You see your ex and he/she tells you they miss you and you say?
- "I MISS YOU TOO!"
Have you ever kissed underneath the stars at night?
- Si
What's up with you and your number 1?
- She was my really good friend in high school/college and then I moved away and we lost touch.
What are you supposed to be doing right now?
- being a functional member of society?
The last person you kissed calls you, what are they calling for?
- to annoy the piss out of me.
Do you have any bruises?
- One behind my knee because I'm clumsy and stabbed myself with a heel the other night. Ouch.
Have you kissed one person more than 10 times in 2009?
- No. fml.
Have you ever had a best friend of the opposite sex?
- Yes, and I miss him.
Have you been kissed by someone whose name started with a S?
- Yes. His first name started with an "S."
Where is your number 1 on your top?
- Who knows...having fun somewhere?
Do you have anything from your ex in your room? If so, what?
- Books, clothes, tickets, pictures...a lot.
Do you think anyone has feelings for you?
- Doubt it.
Who was the last person of the opposite sex you had a conversation with?
- James?
Do you think your last ex deserves to die?
- No.
If someone cheated on you, would you take them back if you really loved them?
- Randy, yes. The other ones? Helllll no.
Are you happy with the way things are going?
- School, finally yes! Sorority, could not be happier with. RA, I love my job, the staff and all of my residents. Everything else? nope.
Are you wearing jeans, shorts, sweatpants, or pajama pants?
- PJs
Do you believe teenagers can be in love and stay in love?
- YES.
What were you doing at 2am last night?
- Watching tv and not being able to sleep.
Would you go in public looking like you do right now?
- Yes.
Let's test your memory, what were you doing at this moment a year ago?
- Riding in my car with a boy.
Do you always answer your phone?
-No.
Do you like the snow?
-Only if it gets me out of school.
Who is the last person you got a text from?
-Kylee Rose
Are you waiting for anything?
-My real life to begin.
Do you think that crying is a form of weakness?
- No, I think it is a form of relief.
Have you ever found someone you really, really, really liked?
-YES.
What's been different this year?
- Everything and nothing at the same time.
Do you look older than you are?
- Goodness I hope not.
Have you ever wished on a shooting star?
- Yes.
Did you have any unread text messages when you woke up today?
- 89234758934758293475 because it's Christmas.
Do you think about the past?
- Sometimes, more recently though.
Last night you felt?
- Restless.
Do you want to see somebody right now?
- YES PLEASE.
When's the last time you cried?
- Two nights ago.
What is in your backpack right now?
-AXiD binder, Ritual stuff, RA binder, and movies.
Would you rather sing or dance in front of 1,000 people?
- Sing!
Would it be more likely of you to fail Science or Math?
-Both epically.
Kill the spider or let it out?
- Stomp on it.
Are you short?
- nah
Last people you rode in a car with?
- mi hermano
Are you nice to everyone?
- I try to be. Sometimes it doesn't always work out that way..
Do you think you will have the same best friend a year from now?
- I hope so.
You've taken fifteen shots of vodka, what are you doing?
- Drunk stumbling down Broadway Avenue with my sisters.
Can you open a soda can with a body part other than your hands?
- Negative.
Do you have any empty alcohol bottles hidden in your room and where?
- Probably.
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Originally written on 12/15/08...and I've waited a year...and nothing has changed. It's time to be posted.
The second coming of High Fidelity has arrived in the form of Rob Sheffield's "Love is a mix tape: Life and Loss, One Song at a Time.
The reason, well, not reason, but the thing that has aided me staying up for the past couple of days (and Narnia). Amazingness.
Other amazingness in my life? iTunes Genius. If I weren't so tired and lazy, I would find at least three posts where I bitch about the fact that iTunes doesn't have a conscience when playing my music, and how you cannot, I repeat, cannot play Death Cab for Cutie or Dashboard Confessional after Hanson's "Mmm bop." So, now there's this nifty iTunes Genius where I can, with one click, find my current mood song, and have iTunes magically make a 20-to-100 song playlist that I will hardly have to change. Another good part, I can click another time and find new music! And then click just once more and buy it! Amazingness, I tell you!
I got really sad today. No, it wasn't my grades/school this time. I was wrapping my friend Lindsay's Christmas gift, really sloppily and remembering how much time I used to put into wrapping gifts. Especially Randy's gift. I would package things up, put bows with curlies around everything (not to make them harder to open, but because it was pretty) and then I would get a huge box, and line it with tissue paper, and then I could place it all in perfectly, sprinkle candy around it, and then wrap the whole box. I used to love wrapping presents. I was so excited to see how it looked under the tree, and then his face.
I was sad because I remembered that this was going to be the first time I didn't get to put so much thought, time, and effort into a gift for someone I cared so much about. The first time I realized this, I was in Kohl's with Lindsay and I literally thought I would be sick. It hadn't hit me until just then, just before Thanksgiving that I wouldn't be shopping for a significant other this year.
I should probably wait for the rest of this post. But I am absolutely not tired, and Batman and Robin is on...so I'm not sleeping anytime soon.
I loved him. I loved him more than I loved anyone. Ever. It was my first love. (Yes, that cheesy "From the Bottom of my Broken Heart" Brittney Spears song did just pop in my head.) Then, it all fell apart. At the time, I was so sick of thinking and analyzing it, I was relieved when it ended. Not happy. Who is ever happy when that happens? Then I moved on to being content single. Then I moved on to being happy (this summer). Then I realized it was time to move on. That was hard. Even after we broke up we hung out some. Like it wasn't over. Except for the other girl, that is. And then this summer I finally had a crush on someone different. It caught me off guard. But I was ok with it. And then, maybe two weekends before Thanksgiving, I realized he wouldn't be at Thanksgiving, I wouldn't be at his. I wouldn't have anyone to go window shopping with, and remember the tiny things no one catches to get him. And, it's not really him now, it's "him." There is no call to wait for when I have to go to my parents house and be bored out of my mind. There's no one to really look forward to seeing. The summer thing ended quickly (He spoke, I realized he was just pretty to look at). Now, there's someone I like, and I'm figuring that situation out. But nothing compares to being smack in the middle of (I have to say it) love with someone. That comfort is completely gone. I have fantastic friends who attempt to make me feel better and cuddle with me, but they don't love me the way it's missing.
I made plans with Lindsay for New Year's Eve tonight. Sleeping really late, dinner at Doc Chey's, and bar hopping. This will be my first New Year with alcohol! We're inviting everyone who wants to come, but we know we can have a blast by ourselves.
Rob Sheffield pointed out a new makeout song, Prince's "Adorn." Of course, I youtubed it ASAP and fell in love. I love being introduced to new music.
I'm not gonna lie, I'm thinking of not posting this post. Earlier this week...security was compromised. In the best way possible, however.
"All of the words
In all of my life
That could never explain
and never describe
All of my love
Which is nothing to hide
So a lift up my hands
and I worship"
We all know I'm not churchy. But I love this song.
The reason, well, not reason, but the thing that has aided me staying up for the past couple of days (and Narnia). Amazingness.
Other amazingness in my life? iTunes Genius. If I weren't so tired and lazy, I would find at least three posts where I bitch about the fact that iTunes doesn't have a conscience when playing my music, and how you cannot, I repeat, cannot play Death Cab for Cutie or Dashboard Confessional after Hanson's "Mmm bop." So, now there's this nifty iTunes Genius where I can, with one click, find my current mood song, and have iTunes magically make a 20-to-100 song playlist that I will hardly have to change. Another good part, I can click another time and find new music! And then click just once more and buy it! Amazingness, I tell you!
I got really sad today. No, it wasn't my grades/school this time. I was wrapping my friend Lindsay's Christmas gift, really sloppily and remembering how much time I used to put into wrapping gifts. Especially Randy's gift. I would package things up, put bows with curlies around everything (not to make them harder to open, but because it was pretty) and then I would get a huge box, and line it with tissue paper, and then I could place it all in perfectly, sprinkle candy around it, and then wrap the whole box. I used to love wrapping presents. I was so excited to see how it looked under the tree, and then his face.
I was sad because I remembered that this was going to be the first time I didn't get to put so much thought, time, and effort into a gift for someone I cared so much about. The first time I realized this, I was in Kohl's with Lindsay and I literally thought I would be sick. It hadn't hit me until just then, just before Thanksgiving that I wouldn't be shopping for a significant other this year.
I should probably wait for the rest of this post. But I am absolutely not tired, and Batman and Robin is on...so I'm not sleeping anytime soon.
I loved him. I loved him more than I loved anyone. Ever. It was my first love. (Yes, that cheesy "From the Bottom of my Broken Heart" Brittney Spears song did just pop in my head.) Then, it all fell apart. At the time, I was so sick of thinking and analyzing it, I was relieved when it ended. Not happy. Who is ever happy when that happens? Then I moved on to being content single. Then I moved on to being happy (this summer). Then I realized it was time to move on. That was hard. Even after we broke up we hung out some. Like it wasn't over. Except for the other girl, that is. And then this summer I finally had a crush on someone different. It caught me off guard. But I was ok with it. And then, maybe two weekends before Thanksgiving, I realized he wouldn't be at Thanksgiving, I wouldn't be at his. I wouldn't have anyone to go window shopping with, and remember the tiny things no one catches to get him. And, it's not really him now, it's "him." There is no call to wait for when I have to go to my parents house and be bored out of my mind. There's no one to really look forward to seeing. The summer thing ended quickly (He spoke, I realized he was just pretty to look at). Now, there's someone I like, and I'm figuring that situation out. But nothing compares to being smack in the middle of (I have to say it) love with someone. That comfort is completely gone. I have fantastic friends who attempt to make me feel better and cuddle with me, but they don't love me the way it's missing.
I made plans with Lindsay for New Year's Eve tonight. Sleeping really late, dinner at Doc Chey's, and bar hopping. This will be my first New Year with alcohol! We're inviting everyone who wants to come, but we know we can have a blast by ourselves.
Rob Sheffield pointed out a new makeout song, Prince's "Adorn." Of course, I youtubed it ASAP and fell in love. I love being introduced to new music.
I'm not gonna lie, I'm thinking of not posting this post. Earlier this week...security was compromised. In the best way possible, however.
"All of the words
In all of my life
That could never explain
and never describe
All of my love
Which is nothing to hide
So a lift up my hands
and I worship"
We all know I'm not churchy. But I love this song.
Tuesday, December 01, 2009
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Quotes:
"Man, I see in fight club the strongest and smartest men who've ever lived. I see all this potential, and I see squandering. God damn it, an entire generation pumping gas, waiting tables; slaves with white collars. Advertising has us chasing cars and clothes, working jobs we hate so we can buy shit we don't need. We're the middle children of history, man. No purpose or place. We have no Great War. No Great Depression. Our Great War's a spiritual war... our Great Depression is our lives. We've all been raised on television to believe that one day we'd all be millionaires, and movie gods, and rock stars. But we won't. And we're slowly learning that fact. And we're very, very pissed off."
- Chuck Palahniuk - "Fight Club"
"Choose Life. Choose a job. Choose a career. Choose a family. Choose a fucking big television, choose washing machines, cars, compact disc players and electrical tin openers. Choose good health, low cholesterol, and dental insurance. Choose fixed interest mortgage repayments. Choose a starter home. Choose your friends. Choose leisurewear and matching luggage. Choose a three-piece suit on hire purchase in a range of fucking fabrics. Choose DIY and wondering who the fuck you are on Sunday morning. Choose sitting on that couch watching mind-numbing, spirit-crushing game shows, stuffing fucking junk food into your mouth. Choose rotting away at the end of it all, pissing your last in a miserable home, nothing more than an embarrassment to the selfish, fucked up brats you spawned to replace yourselves. Choose your future. Choose life... But why would I want to do a thing like that? I chose not to choose life. I chose somethin' else. And the reasons? There are no reasons. Who needs reasons when you've got heroin? "
- Irvine Welsh - "Trainspotting"
- Chuck Palahniuk - "Fight Club"
"Choose Life. Choose a job. Choose a career. Choose a family. Choose a fucking big television, choose washing machines, cars, compact disc players and electrical tin openers. Choose good health, low cholesterol, and dental insurance. Choose fixed interest mortgage repayments. Choose a starter home. Choose your friends. Choose leisurewear and matching luggage. Choose a three-piece suit on hire purchase in a range of fucking fabrics. Choose DIY and wondering who the fuck you are on Sunday morning. Choose sitting on that couch watching mind-numbing, spirit-crushing game shows, stuffing fucking junk food into your mouth. Choose rotting away at the end of it all, pissing your last in a miserable home, nothing more than an embarrassment to the selfish, fucked up brats you spawned to replace yourselves. Choose your future. Choose life... But why would I want to do a thing like that? I chose not to choose life. I chose somethin' else. And the reasons? There are no reasons. Who needs reasons when you've got heroin? "
- Irvine Welsh - "Trainspotting"
Please?
I'm tired of writing papers about the Swiss health care model. I'm realllly tired of accounting, even though it looks like I'll have to take it...AGAIN.
I'm tired of this semester, and I'm afraid I'm finally starting to get senioritis and want to graduate.
I love college...but it might actually be time for me to get into gear and graduate soon...
Things with the boy didn't work out. At all. I'm finally starting to get over it..but when I see him I get really upset. I'm ready for that to be over and for me to just feel nothing toward him--unlike now where I either despise him or miss him more than I ever thought I could and wish that things were still complicated between us because I miss feeling like that for him.
I watched my boss' wedding video tonight...and it made me happy/sad. What if I never get married? What if I never find someone to share my life with?
Turning 22 really did a number on me. 21 was my "lets have fun and go to BARS" year...and now I feel like I have to grow up immediately, but I'm not ready...but everyone else is.
Does this end soon? This indecision? This questioning every little move I make and weighing more options than I ever knew could exist.
"Stop this train
I want to
get off and
go home again.
I can't take
the speed it's
moving in. I
know I can't.
But honestly, won't
someone stop this
train?"
I'm tired of this semester, and I'm afraid I'm finally starting to get senioritis and want to graduate.
I love college...but it might actually be time for me to get into gear and graduate soon...
Things with the boy didn't work out. At all. I'm finally starting to get over it..but when I see him I get really upset. I'm ready for that to be over and for me to just feel nothing toward him--unlike now where I either despise him or miss him more than I ever thought I could and wish that things were still complicated between us because I miss feeling like that for him.
I watched my boss' wedding video tonight...and it made me happy/sad. What if I never get married? What if I never find someone to share my life with?
Turning 22 really did a number on me. 21 was my "lets have fun and go to BARS" year...and now I feel like I have to grow up immediately, but I'm not ready...but everyone else is.
Does this end soon? This indecision? This questioning every little move I make and weighing more options than I ever knew could exist.
"Stop this train
I want to
get off and
go home again.
I can't take
the speed it's
moving in. I
know I can't.
But honestly, won't
someone stop this
train?"
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
I miss reading.
I think I'm actually going to go home from the time residence halls close in mid December until probably New Year's Eve...and I'm going to sleep until 3pm everyday, go walk downtown EVERYDAY, and read at least 10 books.
We just had fall break...and all I can think about is how badly I am ready for Christmas and weeks at home with my family (I literally haven't been home for more than two days in at least two years...and it has finally caught up with me).
Also, I need to post to this thing more often and I will, as soon as the world switches to the 28-hour day.
Thatisall.
We just had fall break...and all I can think about is how badly I am ready for Christmas and weeks at home with my family (I literally haven't been home for more than two days in at least two years...and it has finally caught up with me).
Also, I need to post to this thing more often and I will, as soon as the world switches to the 28-hour day.
Thatisall.
Tuesday, October 06, 2009
Why, Georgia
Why didn't anyone tell me that when you get older, your life is measured in hours?
You would think it would be years, right? I'm 22 (that is still a hard pill to swallow) and my life, from this point on, will be measured in hours.
I'm taking 13 class hours this semester. I have five AXiD study hours in one week. I work 10 hours per week for RA (or, I'm supposed to). I get maybe six hours of sleep per night. And when I finish this crazy experience called college, I'm supposed to spend 40 hours of my week at a job working.
I want my years back.
My mother is famous (in my head) as saying "don't wish your life away." It has hit me. Why did I want to be a grown up again??
Welcome, quarter-life crisis.
You would think it would be years, right? I'm 22 (that is still a hard pill to swallow) and my life, from this point on, will be measured in hours.
I'm taking 13 class hours this semester. I have five AXiD study hours in one week. I work 10 hours per week for RA (or, I'm supposed to). I get maybe six hours of sleep per night. And when I finish this crazy experience called college, I'm supposed to spend 40 hours of my week at a job working.
I want my years back.
My mother is famous (in my head) as saying "don't wish your life away." It has hit me. Why did I want to be a grown up again??
Welcome, quarter-life crisis.
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