I want this more than I've ever wanted anything in my entire life.









Whoa. What should I do about this?

It happend again.

Back story:

I'm in a Human Resorce Management class right now with my most favoritest teacher at UNCA, Dr. Cole.

Dr. Cole is Irish...which just makes him fun.

In my HRM class, there are two international students; one from Denmark and one from Germany.

Today in class, we were talking about fear in the work place. Is it a good thing or a bad thing? Is it a motivator or a freezer?

Dialogue:

Dr. Cole: "It's interesting that we have a student from Denmark in class...during the second world war, the Danes were concerned about their food. They were afraid that if the Nazis took over Denmark.."

The German Guy: "I'm sorry"

The class: "HAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA"



Seriously...the funniest thing ever. We never got back on topic...we could NOT stop cracking up.




Ok...soon maybe I'll write about my life.

"I almost 'ROFL'ed"

So, I'm sitting at the staff meeting (RAs) tonight with the coolest people ever! And we're all laughing WAAAAAY too much and not getting anything done.

Back story:
There's this guy, Lemar. He's another RA on my hall. He's black. He's hilarious. This year, he decided to change his name from his name Issac (his first name) to Lemar (his middle name) to "return to his roots."

Now that you know that..

Scene: Sitting in Mark's apartment (Located DIRECTLY under my room, three floors down) the CD's residence.

The Staff: We're all sitting around...on the couches, the floor and random chairs.

The Characters:

Neal Beckett...who has known Lemar since freshman year (they're juniors).

Lemar...is sitting in a chair accross the room, literally, complete opposite sides of the room.

Mark: Dead center of the room.

ACTION!

Neal: "Yeah, well, my buddy Colin is the biggest racist you've ever met, Issac!"

Lemar: "I know you didn't just call me Issac!!!!"

Mark (the CD): DOUBLED OVER LAUGHING.

The Staff: FALLING ON THE FLOOR LAUGHING.

It took a while to get back on topic after that.


I hope you laughed at that...and got it.

OMG.

I love all of my friends.

But I cannot handle one more of them getting engaged/married in the near future.

Seriously.

Please don't make me throw myself off of a very high building.

"Here's a bus stop instead of Saint Peter's" - REM

Ok, so I don't think Dr. Cole is going to find this.


It's ok...we all know he's missing out.

Haha.



I've got to update...but I just had a final this morning and had to drive to Hickory...and I'm tired (and lazy)..

Loyal reader(s) might remember the story of when I blogged about Mike Bowers, and how he added me on facebook, and how I was trying to figure out if it was ok...and then he found my blog and we had multiple converstations over facebook about it.

Well, today in Marketing I admitted I had a blog.

And Dr. Cole was simply poking fun at me, and thought it would be "funny" to try to find it.

I HIGHLY doubt he does, but this is a test...

Dr Cole, if you find this, you have to say "Apple Snapple" in class in the next few days...then I'll know you've found it!

Hahahahhahaahahaah.

This will make you smile:

A friend knew I was having a bad day, and sent this to me...instant smile!!



http://apod.nasa.gov/apod/ap080722.html

It ends tonight.

Ok.

I've had a rough couple of weeks.

My friends at school have been going though a whole mess of stuff. Plus, work and school and social life...it's been very busy.

(this is the background...mostly for me).

This week me and my good friend Lindsay have just had a shit week (yeah..it's only Tuesday). We're considering it our "funk."

And it sucks. I'm in some "mood" and I can't get out of it...or explain it to anyone.

So, I took at test last week in marketing. It sucked. I made a 73, which I wasn't happy with. And Dr. Cole wanted me to come talk to him (to give me a pep-talk). So, I did.

Our meeting was this morning (I took the test last Wednesday) because we couldn't meet before now.

If I would have known, I would have waited.

I got to Dr. Cole's office. After the whole Matt thing last night...I was feeling rough. These past few weeks, I've been NOT bottling my feelings, trying to not big a huge ball of stress (because honestly, I don't really have stuff to stress about now), but my sleeping has been the worst ever. Ever.)..back to the story now.

So, Dr. Cole leaves me in his office to use the restroom, and comes back to begin the pep talk.

Now, I'm sure he wouldn't describe the meeting as a pep talk, but I knew that's what it was.

He was very nice, he said he was surprised, because I show my knowlege in class, and my grade didn't reflect what a good student I was (the pep).

He asked what was going on...and I felt the tears coming up.

I know I have freinds who love me, and want to hear me talk about everything that's going on. But I can't put into words what's going on, because I don't even get it. It's just been a REALLY bad couple of days (preceeded by a crappy week).

I was pulling off the tears...I was fighting them back. And then he wanted to have a life-altering discussion about what I'm doing here..and what I want in life.

(SIDENOTE: Don't ask what I want to do when I grow up..it is the one thing that will make me cry at the drop of a hat. I DON'T KNOW STOP ASKING!)

Dr. Cole didn't know HOW sensitive this subject is for me...and I lost it. I mean..I didn't BALL crying, but a few tears fell (SIDENOTE: Don't acknowledge the fact that I'm crying, ignore it...or it will NEVER go away)...and then he said "Are you crying" reaching for the box of kleenex.

I couldn't handle it. I couldn't keep it together. It wasn't really what we were talking about (even though it wasn't helping), but I needed a good cry. And I had it a bit in his office.

So, he was trying to talk to me, ask what was up, and it was NOT happening. I just wanted to ball up in the corner and get it over with. Shit.

So, when I cry, I can't speak. My breathing is really rushed and I shake (especially when I'm trying not to). And he's trying to get something out of me...and it's not going well.

Now, it's time for class. He tells me to cool off, and deal with class when I can.

So, he goes to class, and I go to the restroom, and try to stop crying.

I go to class, like, 3 minutes late, because I HATE missing class.

And he just kind of lets me finish cooling off. I'm still kind of misty eyed, trying to keep it together.

And then he does the GREATEST THING EVER. He acts like NOTHING happend, and jokes around with me...and makes me feel like normal. He always jokes with me and talks with me in class, because I always respond (I'm not afraid to voice my opinion in that class).



So, then I was ok.

I've written before when I just needed a good cry. That's exactly it. I need to watch The Notebook, and get it out of my system.

And I really don't care if anyone reads this...I just needed to get it off my chest.

I cried in front of Dr. Cole because I'm human, and it sucks, but shit happens.

Ohh, but I did send him an e-mail apologizing for my behavior, and thanking him for being supportive...and threw some jokes in, because he would have known I was upset if I didn't.

Dr. Cole is the man. I'm sad he's leaving soon.

IDon'tEvenKnowWhatToTitleThisMess

I couldn't sleep (of course), so I got up and got on my computer.

Low and behold (is that how you spell that saying?), Matt Parris is talking to me on facebook chat.

I've never used it before, because I NEVER hear it until it's 2 hours later, so I'm never able to respond.

So, no time like the present to learn a new internet thingy.

Matt is a guy who I went to school with for a few years. I don't remember him in lower greades, but I remember when he left my sophomore year (when he was a freshman).

Matt was dating this girl named Lauren. I've met her a couple times, when I was at the beach. She's REALLY nice.

So, Matt broke up with Lauren, like, a year and a half ago-ish. It was very shocking. Because the guy I was dating at the time (uhhhh, you know) made this big deal...like it was going to happen to us (wtf? way to be sure of us..).

Ok, so Matt's reasoning for breaking up with Lauren (when things were going GREAT) was that they were too dependent on each other. Ok, I can see how, at the age of 19, one would be scared to rely so much on this other teenager. However, in a conversation with him (via Randy), I told him that's what a grown up relationship IS.

So, Matt kind of strung Lauren along...I mean...(humm)...They went to the same school, and saw each other a lot, and she still wanted to be with him. He had kind of cut it off (like I said) at a good time, and she was blind-sided.

Now, the tables have turned.

Lauren's dating someone else, and Matt is no longer able to reach her through facebook (so I do minor stalking for him).

Matt feels very hurt, and can't understand why she doesn't want to be with him. He reasons that she wants to test the waters.

Lauren still tolerated him after he broke up with her. They still acted like they were together (if you had seen them, you would know what I mean).

Now, she's dating someone else, and he's feeling stupid for what he did to her (as he should).

This got me thinking, though.

I know Matt. I know that he truly loves this girl, and wants to be with her more than anything in the world.

He's 20.

I don't know how to say this, so I'm just going to say it.

In my measly romantic past, it has always been like, this annoying period of I liked a guy, I thought he liked me...we hung out...we didn't, then BOOM we were together. I hate to say this but it's almost like they had to be "tricked" into the relationship. Which is the shittiest place to be. Ever.

But this guy, this guy MY AGE is in LOVE with a girl.

I've never had that. I've never had the person who pursued ME. (Wow...I'm sounding really pathetic about now...but I hope the person(s) who read this know me well enough to get my point)

It's hard for me to give any advice, because I've never been in that particular situation.

I feel bad for Matt, I really do. I kind of want to take off to the beach this weekend, and sit on his back porch and talk about life (my most favorite hobby).

I'm having a hard time wrapping my head around this situation. But I needed to write this down, at least. I needed a reminder.

Now, I need to sleep.

I wish people ran on batteries, so that we could take them out (and be FORCED to rest). And them pop the batteries back in when they're full...instead of having to get recharged only 25% (depending on the night...but I feel that's my average).

At least I know the sound of facebook chat, ao maybe I can respond to people now!!