It ends tonight.

Ok.

I've had a rough couple of weeks.

My friends at school have been going though a whole mess of stuff. Plus, work and school and social life...it's been very busy.

(this is the background...mostly for me).

This week me and my good friend Lindsay have just had a shit week (yeah..it's only Tuesday). We're considering it our "funk."

And it sucks. I'm in some "mood" and I can't get out of it...or explain it to anyone.

So, I took at test last week in marketing. It sucked. I made a 73, which I wasn't happy with. And Dr. Cole wanted me to come talk to him (to give me a pep-talk). So, I did.

Our meeting was this morning (I took the test last Wednesday) because we couldn't meet before now.

If I would have known, I would have waited.

I got to Dr. Cole's office. After the whole Matt thing last night...I was feeling rough. These past few weeks, I've been NOT bottling my feelings, trying to not big a huge ball of stress (because honestly, I don't really have stuff to stress about now), but my sleeping has been the worst ever. Ever.)..back to the story now.

So, Dr. Cole leaves me in his office to use the restroom, and comes back to begin the pep talk.

Now, I'm sure he wouldn't describe the meeting as a pep talk, but I knew that's what it was.

He was very nice, he said he was surprised, because I show my knowlege in class, and my grade didn't reflect what a good student I was (the pep).

He asked what was going on...and I felt the tears coming up.

I know I have freinds who love me, and want to hear me talk about everything that's going on. But I can't put into words what's going on, because I don't even get it. It's just been a REALLY bad couple of days (preceeded by a crappy week).

I was pulling off the tears...I was fighting them back. And then he wanted to have a life-altering discussion about what I'm doing here..and what I want in life.

(SIDENOTE: Don't ask what I want to do when I grow up..it is the one thing that will make me cry at the drop of a hat. I DON'T KNOW STOP ASKING!)

Dr. Cole didn't know HOW sensitive this subject is for me...and I lost it. I mean..I didn't BALL crying, but a few tears fell (SIDENOTE: Don't acknowledge the fact that I'm crying, ignore it...or it will NEVER go away)...and then he said "Are you crying" reaching for the box of kleenex.

I couldn't handle it. I couldn't keep it together. It wasn't really what we were talking about (even though it wasn't helping), but I needed a good cry. And I had it a bit in his office.

So, he was trying to talk to me, ask what was up, and it was NOT happening. I just wanted to ball up in the corner and get it over with. Shit.

So, when I cry, I can't speak. My breathing is really rushed and I shake (especially when I'm trying not to). And he's trying to get something out of me...and it's not going well.

Now, it's time for class. He tells me to cool off, and deal with class when I can.

So, he goes to class, and I go to the restroom, and try to stop crying.

I go to class, like, 3 minutes late, because I HATE missing class.

And he just kind of lets me finish cooling off. I'm still kind of misty eyed, trying to keep it together.

And then he does the GREATEST THING EVER. He acts like NOTHING happend, and jokes around with me...and makes me feel like normal. He always jokes with me and talks with me in class, because I always respond (I'm not afraid to voice my opinion in that class).



So, then I was ok.

I've written before when I just needed a good cry. That's exactly it. I need to watch The Notebook, and get it out of my system.

And I really don't care if anyone reads this...I just needed to get it off my chest.

I cried in front of Dr. Cole because I'm human, and it sucks, but shit happens.

Ohh, but I did send him an e-mail apologizing for my behavior, and thanking him for being supportive...and threw some jokes in, because he would have known I was upset if I didn't.

Dr. Cole is the man. I'm sad he's leaving soon.