Stream of consciousness (I had to copy and paste this because I couldn't spell it right).

I'm scared of my basement. It scares the hell out of me. When I get to the top of the basement stairs (looking down) all I can imagine is the scene from Home Alone, when Kevin goes to the basement to do laundry, has to psyche himself up, and then the furnace turns into a monster and scares him. The worst part is, our basement isn't even a scary sketch basement...it's got carpet and walls and stuff..like..an extension of our house...FINISHED! That's the word, it's a finished basement. Still scares the shit out of me.

I can't sleep in my bed. I've been home almost a month, and it's nearly impossible for me to sleep at night. I really don't want to say that I'm afraid of the dark (even though now, that's all I can think it is), I just can't sleep. I thought I would be able to sleep a lot better once I had my own room (not even my room, just a room to myself, with out roomie), but I can't sleep. At school, it's a hassle to have to consider someone else's schedule/routine, and I hate it. But now, all I can think of is how much I might need someone else to feel ok.


I really don't want to think that I'm afraid of the dark, for a few reasons,

1) I'm 20 fucking years old
2) I consider myself very independent (in the day light)
3) I've never had this problem before (I've never slept well, but that's because I k keep the hours of a crack whore)
4) I don't have a four at the moment.

Maybe it's just stress from the holidays, and everything. Maybe it's stress from the dread of classes starting soon. Maybe I have something boiling deep down in my head, that I'm too scared to say (ding, ding, ding). No idea.









Wow, I'm in an honest mood.

I think John Mayer is a genius, and as cliche as it sounds, I think his music speaks to me. I just to think that people were stupid when they said that, but I think it's true.
I think that the "shuffle" mode on any music device needs a conscious..I mean..how can you go from Spice Girls to (deja vu, have I written about this before?) Copeland or Brand New? I just thought that I guess you could choose a genre, but that would probably mean going though my entire iTunes and renaming and categorizing everything..and that's not going to happen (although, at school, I have DEF scheduled that for a weekend when I didn't think I had anything to do).
I think that everyone has OCD about something in their lives. And sometimes some people have it worse than others..I have no idea how this works on the gentic/biological (is that really a word) level, but I think it's true. I also think that as I get older, my OCD gets worse. I mean, I'm not touching my door a million times or checking my shoe lace, or counting my steps (ok...not all of them, though), but I do think it's getting worse. I don't do full-blown rituals, but I def. have a routine, and I feel VERY anxious/stresses if I deviate from that routine.
I can't spell definite. I have to spell check it EVERY SINGLE TIME. I'm sure you can imagine my extreme elation when the catch-phrase (am I using that reference correctly?) "Most Def." swept the nation.

Sometimes I wish I had a way of recording my thoughts, and be able to upload them later, it kind of makes me think of, like, when people who are high record their conversations, because they think they cure cancer, or are the most profound being EVEN when they're high. I just wish I could keep track of what I think, what I say, and what I actually thing and say. Very weird typing that last part. I think it only makes sense to me. (THE ANGLE OPENS HER EYES, PALE BLUE COVERED EYES) (That song is playing...and that line sticks out).

I have no idea what started this tonight...I think maybe I convinced my self (above) that I had something on my chest that I needed to get off.

When I was little, I couldn't spell "pizza", I mean, I knew how to spell it, but I thought (and kind of still do) that there should be a "T" in it. Because, when spoken, it sounds like "Pete-za"..anyone else??
I also want to spell legend like "ledge-end" and soldier "solid-ger"

(I'm gonna getcha, I'm gonna getch, lookout boy 'cause I'm gonna getcha) I love that song

Sometimes I think I'm a comma Nazi (I was just thinking how much I wanted blogger to have grammar check along with spell check, but I just typed Nazi with a lowercase "n", and it had a red line, and it should have been capitalized...but it doesn't always correct my grammar...hum..(and, I know how to spell grammar and kindergarten and when people don't it pisses me offff)

I think that for every year, there should be a song. Like, when I was 16, the Hilary Duff (yes..I LOVED that album and I remember when Taylor would make fun of my for having it in my car) had the song "Sweet Sixteen", and then when I was 17...there was a song, and I can't remember what it was, it was one of those songs by a band one one has probably ever heard of. And then the same with 18, but 19 I had "Nineteen" by whoa...The Old 97s? I'm too lazy to look it up. And now I'm looking for 20, but I already have 21's, it's "21 and Invisible" by Something Corporate.

See? my iTunes just went from "Into the Dark" by Juliana theory (dark) to Jimmy Buffett's "Uncle Jon's Band"...WTF?????

It really annoys me that I can't make text bigger, a different font or color on here anymore...I feel it takes away from the personality of a post.

And if Blogger saves drafts automoaticly...why is the "Save Now" button still on here?

(mom may never understand why baby's come and gone. He left home to find his own. Now all he has are lies)--Juliana Theory

I don't know what want to do with my life, but I know that if I could, I would be some type of music journalist, or historian. I love it..Just like I love how I know the members of new bands and who they used to be with.

I love the movie High Fidelity. I used to not like it, something either I tried to watch it one day when I was sick and hated it, or I saw it one day when I was sick and fell in love with it...either way, I LOVE it now...it's like The Goonies..ANYTIME it's on tv, I HAVE to watch it. I'm afraid to own it, because I would watch it a lot (and it be like Beaches, which I know EVERY LAST LINE of). (I watched I Am Legend tonight..and he knew all of the words to Shrek...it makes me think of that.)Anyway, High Fidelity not only has John Cusack, who I LOVE, but also top 5 lists...which I find myself making more of, now.

I used to think I had an AMAZING memory. And I still remember things (random, stupid things that might not have even happened to me, but to someone else and I was told about it), but I feel like my memory is getting worse. Either I'm not as attentive as I used to be, or my brain's full, or I really just don't know.. But I know that I hate it when someone says they have the memory of an elephant, except when Phil said it one day at lunch...and I have no idea where that came from).

(I'm gonna do some things you wouldn't LET me do! Ohh, I'm gonna find another youuuuu) - John Mayer

I think that Seventy times Seven is the most angry, aka, BEST angry, I hate you, I want to rip your heart out song EVER! It's by Brand New...there's a funny video for it on youtube...I'll try to post it. But the song..wow..that's aggression

I think that's it. I couldn't find the video on youtube, but it was Legos playing out the song...THE FUNNIEST/BEST thing everrr