Breathe, just breathe.

First, holy shit it's April 17........when the FUCK did that happen??

It seems like the semester has FLOWN by...now.

About 3 months ago, I was freaking out and realllllly considering withdrawing from school. Things are muuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuch better now.

But tonight, I was starting to pack up my room, and I actually got a little bit sad. Sad's not the right word to use, and I'm too lazy to turn around and ask my roommate if she knows an alternative (she's super good at that stuff).

By the way, the roommate situation has gotten SOOO much better this semester. I've let go of the fact I have to deal with living with another person, and I've embraced the experience of living with another person, and learning things about them and how I interact with others.

That has all been a pleasant re-cap of the semester so that I can get on to my real point.

I applied, in December, to UNC-Asheville. I've been freaking out ever since.

When I sent in the application, I felt pretty good about it. Then, I called the university about three weeks later, just to check and make sure they got all of my transcripts (since there were three of them). I got a man named B. Barton, who would be my advisor, if I get in. He told me that my GPA was a little lower than what they normally accept, but that I should write a short "personal statement" about why I had done so badly last semester, and how I'm on a much better track now, and why I want to attend UNC-A.

So, I wrote the letter, I e-mailed it, and then I called him back about a week later, just to get the scoop. He had gotten my letter, and put it with my file. So now, all I had to do was wait.

One week later I had the worst week of my life. I had been back from Christmas Break for a month, getting back into the swing of classes, getting used to my new schedule, and all that jazz. But, I had a nervous breakdown of some sort.

I cried, all the time. Randomly in the middle of class, in the middle of dinner, and especially on the phone with people. I couldn't hold it together. It took about two weeks to get back to normal, but I never thought I would. This was the time that I thought SERIOUSLY about withdrawing from school, going home, and getting a job...and getting back to normal.

I feel a lot better now. I think that I was just overwhelmed by a lot of things going on with school and life. I'm dealing now, though.

I have come out of this experience with the notion that I have just wasted an academic year at Appalachian State University. I blame App for being miserable the whole year. I don't like it here, and won't be returning next year.

Thing is, today is April 17...well, actually now it's April 18, and letters to transfer students applying to UNC-A were supposed to go out yesterday (or April 16).

So, yesterday, after not being able to sleep for the past month or so, I called UNC-A and simply asked if the decisions had been mailed out yet.

The lady on the phone was quick, and just said that all the decisions hadn't been made yet, and that the final round of letters would be mailed out by Friday.

WHAT? They were SUPPOSED to ALREADY be out! They were supposed to be on their way to nervous students everywhere. What's going on?!?!!?

So, I enlisted Randy into my quest to find my letter.

Randy went by admissions, and could only get the same information I could. All letters hadn't been mailed out yet, last batch of letters would go out by Friday.

But, I can't handle it. I seriously haven't slept for the past month. I'm freaking out. I can't deal with not knowing any longer.

The reason is, that this is the first time in my life where I didn't have a back up plan. Last year, I already knew that I was going to Appalachian State University, but even when I applied, I knew I would get in. At UNC-A, I'm at the bottom of the barrel in selections. My GPA is shitty from last semester, and this will be the third college I will attend, if I get in.

So, to make things worse, I found my old transcript from Surry. When B. Barton figured up my current GPA (Surry and App combined), he figured it with my second semester at Surry GPA, not my third. The third semester I was there I had 6 classes at a time which included Chemistry, Philosophy, and British Literature. Needless to say, up until last semester, it was my worst school term ever. So, the fact that he averaged my GPA using a better number, just means that I'm even farther down on the list, because I thought I was closer to the 2.75 guaranteed admissions GPA than I am.

So, I'm not sleeping, I'm eating terribly, I can't focus on school work because I'm so worried, I have MAD heartburn, and I can't go on like this much longer.

I'm freaking out. I don't know what I'm going to do if I don't get in. I can't deal with this any longer.

I want this soooo badly. I want a small school, with a small campus, with small classes. I want a real dorm experience. I want to live in a larger city, farther from home. I want to get my college education. I want to be happy.

Clearly now, I am not.


For anyone who actually read this entire rant, I appreciate it more than you could ever know. I needed to get things off my chest and attempt to relax. I shall keep you all posted (I promise, I know I've been slack the past...um..year). But would you keep your fingers crossed for me??

Thank you for your time.