The end of the jinx

Talking to an old crush tonight, I realized something.

He’s happy.

He never seemed this way when we would hang out and see each other. Of course, nothing ever happened between us, because he didn’t like me “like that.”
For a while, that used to hurt me a little bit. Why couldn’t he be happy with me? What was wrong with me?

Maybe I wasn’t as into him as I thought I was.

It made me feel good when he told me about his girlfriend. She seems like a really nice girl. He’s very happy and I am happy for him.

I knew that my one-sided romance would never amount to anything, but I think that I can really let go of this now.

So, we’re just friends. He’s a great friend. We talk for a long time on random nights about everything. It’s fun. We catch up and talk about whatever.

My reason for writing this isn’t clear to me yet. Maybe the insomnia is really setting in. Maybe my elation from finally finishing my paper has put me into a ‘writing mood.’ Whatever the case, I’m happy that I feel like I can say what I need to.

I’m not the only girl who felt feelings she thought was so strong and powerful. I’m sure that every girl has imagined her life or a date or a conversation with someone that never happened. It’s okay.

I guess that it means I have a lively imagination. Or maybe it means that I’m just crazy. In either case, I’m not alone.

I think that I’m going to start phasing out some of my superstitions. They’re a little crazy sometimes. People just don’t need to think that way.

I want the constant worry to change to carelessness.

Wow, do I ever feel better.

One day maybe I can be happy too.