Boo! ---- AHH!

The thought of college is really scaring me now. I mean, it’s always been there, but now, it’s really setting in.

We are actually graduating in 40 days. It’s like the end of a book that you never wanted to get to, because it was so good.

I’m scared about growing up. I’m scared about turning 18 soon. I mean, it’s quite a milestone. Most people want to get older. But, I’m fine where I am. My parent’s still won’t let me go to Winston on my own…and it’s so weird, but it’s nice knowing that they’re concerned.

Soon, before I know it, actually, I’ll be off on my own. My parent’s will be miles away, and my only interaction with family will be by telephone. It’s scary. I can see myself freaking out a little bit when I’m alone.

What if, in college. I don’t make any friends? What if I never meet anyone? What if I end up hating college?

What if I chose the wrong major? What if I can never find a job, after I graduate? What if I’m never happy with my life?

I don’t even want to imagine it.

When we’re little kids, we can always joke around, and say that we’re going to be doctors and stuff. But it’s so weird, that some of my friends are actually going to be doctors. Their dreams are realized.

My life is so unorganized. And I don’t like things not organized. I like knowing that I have to go be some place, at a time, and exactly what I’ll be doing. But, I’m not lucky enough to have a great, planned-out life like that.

I need to get better at being flexible, and spontaneous.

I know that a lot of seniors in high school are thinking these same thoughts. Weird.

And I really wish that all of my friends were speaking to me. As much as I try to roll the feelings off my shoulder, I really miss being able to shoot the breeze with my friends.

Soon enough, I won’t get to, at all. Sure, they’ll be a phone call away, but it’s just not the same.

When someone has a bad break-up with a guy, or has a really bad day in class, I won’t get to be there, and hug them, and tell them that it’s ok, and that I love them.

I know that I still have a year at home. And I have a year to adjust. But, what if this next year goes by as quickly as the past year? I don’t even want to think about it, but the thought consumes my time. I can’t help it.

Ahh, I feel a lot better. If you read this entire post, thanks for listening to me ramble, and whine. And you’re a good friend.

Maybe I’ll be able to do the same for you.