Workin' some stuff out...

I was going to re-type last nights post that was messed up. But I'm too lazy. So this is todays events.
I went to bed when the sun came up, again. I did it yesterday, too. I don't know why. I was watching Hannibal on TV, then I was flipping channels and I found the National Spelling Bee championship. I don't know why, but I was intrigued by this. I started watching around round 3 or 4, and there ended up 15 rounds. I had my favorite going good. THEN he missed ONE letter. He said E instead of I...darn it. So the little skinny kid with big ears won...darn it.
So after that, I drifted off to sleep. Good times. I woke up today to the sound of the telephone ringing, the doorbell ringing, and someone throwing stones at my window. It was my mom. She and Amber had gone to church, and Amber drove. I guess it didn't occur to her to TAKE SOME KEYS or to simply leave the door unlocked. Anyway, it got me up. I tired to fall asleep again, but I couldn't.
Since I was up, I ate a little something, and thought that I might go play tennis. I had just gotten out of the shower, and Ashley called to say that she couldn't make it to the ball game tonight. It was all good though, it was such a crappy day, I didn't really feel like sitting on the ground and watching baseball.
So I was out of the shower, and I got dressed in some sweats, and went to MAHS to play tennis. There were four guys on my court (the one with the board to volly with) so I decided I would go walk, instead. I didn't want to walk with no entertainment, so I came home and got my MP3 player. On my way back to the school, I got in the middle of a funeral. OMGsh whoever died had a LOT of friends. I sat at the neighbors gas station for almost 15 minutes. WOW! Then someone behind me started honking at me to go when I couldn't, because there was traffic coming in BOTH DIRECTIONS. I was temped to give them the finger. But it was Sunday, so I took pity.
When I FINNALY got to the high school, I parked my car, and got my chapstick, and went awalkin'. I had my rain coat with me because I didn't have any pockets, so I put that on. Set my MP3 player to continious play, and walked. I ment to walk 3 miles. Well...I payed attention to the first one, then after that I kinda lost track. I know that I had to atleast walk 12 laps, but I'm thinking I might have done 13 or 14. But it really doesn't matter.
While I was walking, I was looking up at the school. I was looking at the whole thing, right there infront of me. I have been in every single room in that school. I've been in every closet, and I'm sure every bathroom stall.
While I was walking, I also thought about this next year. I thought about how I want my senior year to be. I want it to be fun. I want to have the most fun in the next year, than I have had in all my years. I want to hang out with my friends as much as possible. I want to learn how to let the little things they do, go. I want to stop coming home after school and sleeping. I want to go walk everyday after school. I want so many things.
I was thinking, the past three years have gone by so quickly. I want this year to go by slower. I want to fully enjoy my remaining year at good 'ole MAHS.
I was also thinking about all the stuff that has happend in the past three years. Making new friends, keeping old friends, and patching up old friendships. So much of life happens in high school. I had never realized that. I had never realized that in high school, people learn how to socalize. People learn SOOO much about themselves, and the people around them. People learn how to change, and they learn how to be the people that they want to be.
I thought about the next three years of my life. I thought about what I'll be doing in five years. It's SOO scary. I hate thinking about it, but I did.
I thought about how much I wanted to fall in love. But I also thought about a letter that Sara had written me before school let out. It was a little thing that she found on the internet, but the words still lingered in my mind. "We forgot that you can't control falling in love.......and that you can't make yourself fall in love....I learned that I can love." I also thought about how much I don't really NEED a boyfriend. As much as I think that I want one..maybe I don't have one for a reason (guys are assholes). Maybe this next year will be grand. I love my friends, and I know that they will always be there for me. I don't need a "boy" to be happy...I can cuddle with my gals...
I thought about how much I'm scared to end this "era".
The next year of my life, is the last of the norm. I will be moving on. In a year from now, I will have graduated high school (*crosses fingers*). I will be getting ready for college. I'll be getting ready to leave.
As much as I do want to leave. It's scary. It's like I've always wanted to get out of here, and when the time comes, I'm not sure I'll really be ready to let it go.
I thought about how I'm supposed to know what I want to do. I know what I want to do. I want to take a gap-year, and not go straight to college. I want to go to Europe and travel, and see the world. Only I know that the rents would NEVER let me do this, and even if they did, it would only screw me over more. If I took a year off, I'd be WAY behind in my classes. I mean my math skills are NOT good, and if I take a year off, it will only make it harder on myself to understand (or halfway understand) my college math courses.
So when I finally thought about how many laps I had done, I looked at my watch. It was 6. I figured I should get home. On my way to my car, I was peeling my rain coat off of me. Doing all this thinking had completely distracted me from how much I was sweating...Well...I guess that's good.
What made me mad about today was the fact that I went to exercise to get my mind OFF of everything that was going on. Instead, I thought about it for an hour and a half.
I like to go walking and not think of anything except how much my feet hurt, or how my thighs are burning. Only today, it was completely bass-ackwards.
OK I'm going to go now. I know that I have bored you...ta ta for now!